creating the life

it's been an incredible two days. 
and the Universe is showing me who I am -- one heartfelt blow at a time lol 
it's been tough seeing the mirror and my reflection that i have been associating with right, wrong, bad and good. 

at the same time, i've been hearing how important it is for me to create the life that i want, to have thoughts that encourage me living my own potential. i have been through an intense period of figuring out my passion, putting projects down, picking up new interests and really allowing myself float on the skills and talents that I've been given and have developed. 

i've take steps back and at times, it makes me feel a little crazy. o_0

but, i have been reminded, that if i continue to cling to the thoughts, reactions and conversations that i have been subscribing to, i will continue to create the same life that is no longer working for me. 

i have a love of my life -- but i've been smothering her for the sake of not feeling so good about me. wanting her to see that without me being verbal about. my reactions and actions have suggested that i'm threatened by the fact that her first love is writing -- and though my intentions have never gone that far in my mind, i can see why she feels as though i may be battling with attention and placement in her life. 

if i truly understood her love for writing, i would automatically know that her love for writing is how she functions, breathes and she gets mentally constipated when she doesn't do it. i can sympathize, because i used to feel the exact same way when i was writing full time. you need to release it. 

my actions haven't suggested or been complimentary to my intentions or words. i am willing to do better and become better. i know that the initiative i show will speak volumes before anything i can say.

i intend to show more initiative and not wait to be told or wait to act on what it is i know would be helpful and meaningful to simply take care of. i am learning that i have lived a very privileged life -- and though i've had a great childhood, in a lot of ways, i've been mentally still there -- waiting for directions and validations. i see the woman i am to become.  i see her. i know. she's already here. 

xo, me