and in this breath, i am here. alive. healthy. happy. and living in LA.
the last time i wrote in a blog, was back when my music journalism days were my life. music was my life --the order was, music, friends, lovers, me.
ha.
and that "me" being at the end, was pretty accurate during that time in my life.
and so it begins.
where I realize or have come to realize, that my priorities in life were all mixed up and the order in which i choose to live my life now, starts with me.
(shantell martin)
me.
so, who am i? i have discovered that i am a self-proclaimed "bad girl" -- a play on words of course! i'm not really a bad girl -- i don't even know what that would look like, since bad is good and good can be bad. *shrug*
i just know that everything i yearn for or want to do or am impressed by are things that could very well be the opposite of how i was raised in thinking a "good" girl should do, think, act, talk etc.
fuck that.
everything at this point in my life has meaning and purpose and i love that. i love what isn't typical or perfect or neat. in fact, i am in love with what seems to be messy or thoughtless or even random. i've come to know that those moments do share a commonality -- and that's that they are real, tangible, felt, beneficial.
too many times i run into people, whom i love, that are obsessed with controlling outcome, or planning or creating purpose by drafting lists and circling dates in their calendar. i don't doubt that it brings comfort -- it has to me too. but, i've learned that we can't control universal law and the best way to ease that pressure - is to simply live life and live it gratefully and abundantly.
some may read this as fluff. but it's true. let go, and see what happens.
it's magic.
xo, me.
