Expose Yourself

"...because it is exposing yourself in your utter nudity: your wounds, your ugliness, your insanity - things which everybody wants to hide from the world. It goes against your ego, against your personality." 

@wisdom_is_love 

Ernest Holmes on Life...and our choosing it

good morning!

it's been such a busy week, i didn't realize a whole week had gone by since i last wrote in this blog! I'd like to post at least three times a week -- so that will be my goal this week. baby steps :)

in addition to working physically here and mentally in NYC as I develop/curate this exhibition -- i have been, on a daily basis, setting my intention to working within a limitless belief system. logically, i know that i am capable and all things are possible -- logically. but when you begin to live within that mindset, challenges come and i found myself having to choose whether or not i was going to stay committed to my intention or not. 

yes, there are a lot of challenges in working with an artist across the country :) many. challenges. but, when i started to become really serious about setting this intention, the opportunity to work with them became full circle and i knew that i could not think within the confines of limiting thoughts of doubt, worry or fear. thankfully, we have a budget (and for those that work with artists, know that doesn't come often!), but even having the money to do certain things started to cause limiting thoughts. 

so, i went back to what i know, and that's -- if the universe provided this opportunity (literally, in my lap) then there was purpose, promise and benefit in the work. in addition to, knowing that whatever was the will of the Universe, essentially bringing my spirit and the spirit of this artist together -- something great was brewing. we just needed to step back, ease off the aspect to control and make shit happen our way, and watch the alignment happen -- because it was meant to happen this way. 

to date -- we have a venue that is remarkable -- talent that we will soon have to choose who to add to the bill and marketing partners that will create amazing extensions for this event. the alignment. our trust. us falling back and letting IT do what IT does. amazing!

it wasn't easy. when you have a clear understanding of Universal law -- when some don't. challenges do arise. but thankfully, we (the artist and i) are on one accord and it feels good to work with someone that accepts the truth of Life as it is -- knowing it's all good in the end. 

oh! haven't mentioned Ernest Holmes yet. So, if you aren't familiar -- he is the author of The Science of the Mind. Many study this book, as it is a way of thinking when you approach Life's promise -- the Source of who we are. I enjoy reading works by thinkers who seem to understand the simplicity in Spirituality being a personal thing. This is from a chapter I read this morning:

"because Life is in you, then the Truth is in you, and the Spirit is in you and Power is in you. if you will wait on this Power, this Truth and this Light, they will guide you. one of the greatest things you can do is to learn to wait on the God Power within you...." 

love and light beings! have a beautiful day :)
xo, me. 

loving, at first sight of ourselves

do you dream Universal beings?

i do. quite often. dreams lift us higher, help us to keep moving and believing in the life we want for ourselves. 

the reading this morning talked about "love at first sight" and remembering when we first experienced love -- like real love. 

the moment we felt complete and whole, like we mattered and safe. when i sat and thought about the moment, it wasn't tied to any romantic relationship, but when i was a child -- and the earliest memories of pleasing my parents and feeling that sense of love that made the world seem as though it was mine. 

we should feel that complete everyday, all day. it is possible. 

the meditation for the reading went into breathing out past -sights and future-sights and really basking in that first-sight of love. the feeling, the face, the air, the warmth, whatever, whomever and wherever it was -- Mark Nepo asked us to hold onto that feeling. 

i did that. and it was so energizing because when i let go of trying to get back to that "feeling" i had with so and so or the feeling i want now, with so and so. it made me feel really good to just feel pleasure in that time when i felt whole and completely me -- with me. 

perhaps we spend too much time trying to love someone else completely, that we alienate ourselves in the process of loving ourselves....the way we should.

we ARE everything we could ever need. we ARE whole, right now, right here. 

so, that's the intention for today. feeling whole, owning my beauty, my body, my present, who i am and LOVING every minute of it. It's me, i am who i am for a reason and all that greatness and power that lives within me is real and very much needed by the world. I am bigger than my past, and much bigger than JUST dreaming of my future. I am living now, not asking question, but accepting and learning. 

it CAN really be that simple. 

xo, me. 

and so it begins...

with, me.

and in this breath, i am here. alive. healthy. happy. and living in LA.

the last time i wrote in a blog, was back when my music journalism days were my life. music was my life --the order was, music, friends, lovers, me.

ha.

and that "me" being at the end, was pretty accurate during that time in my life. 

and so it begins. 

where I realize or have come to realize, that my priorities in life were all mixed up and the order in which i choose to live my life now, starts with me.

 

(shantell martin)

me.

so, who am i? i have discovered that i am a self-proclaimed "bad girl" -- a play on words of course! i'm not really a bad girl -- i don't even know what that would look like, since bad is good and good can be bad. *shrug* 

i just know that everything i yearn for or want to do or am impressed by are things that could very well be the opposite of how i was raised in thinking a "good" girl should do, think, act, talk etc. 

fuck that.

everything at this point in my life has meaning and purpose and i love that. i love what isn't typical or perfect or neat. in fact, i am in love with what seems to be messy or thoughtless or even random. i've come to know that those moments do share a commonality -- and that's that they are real, tangible, felt, beneficial. 

too many times i run into people, whom i love, that are obsessed with controlling outcome, or planning or creating purpose by drafting lists and circling dates in their calendar. i don't doubt that it brings comfort -- it has to me too. but, i've learned that we can't control universal law and the best way to ease that pressure - is to simply live life and live it gratefully and abundantly. 

some may read this as fluff. but it's true. let go, and see what happens. 

it's magic.

xo, me.