collecting bones

"what would my life look like if I wasn't attached to my "story" of pain?"

i get stuck, often. 

mostly mentally. 

i get lost in thoughts of what ifs and why didn't i, or even i wish i had. 

i've become so enamored by the lingering feelings of certain pains and misfortunes

resting with ease in what seems to have become too familiar

i no longer want that.

my reality in waves -- ups and downs, over easy, leaving me stuck on stories of what was instead of thoughts and manifestations of what could be. 

what would my life look like if i let go --- was unattached?

free. light. forgiven....

i want that peace. i want that courage. i want that reality. 

xo, me. 

like a wildflower.

"I don't know what direction I'm going in, but I know how I want to feel..." -gg renee

like this...a wildflower.
free and certain that as i effortlessly grow - i'll always be nourished and watered

lately, i have been feeling just. like. this. :))
it's such a beautiful feeling and i am manifesting more and more of how i want to feel, every.single.day.

before i started this deep dive, i would focus on who i wasn't, what i didn't have, and what wasn't happening in my life.

what you focus on will grow, right?

so as resentment started to grow, mental paralysis of my creativity started to become a constant and my energy level suffered let alone my confidence in completing simple tasks....

yea, i became a version of myself i did not know, recognized or loved.

then, one morning -- i woke up thinking about wildflowers and how beautiful they are in all their colors, lengths, shapes, sizes, scents, etc. the word effortless came to mind and i began to really value the ease in personal growth by allowing the Universe to take care of what i didn't have to --

trust/certainty.

deep diving into my own insecurities and inner struggles with what i know i deserve. logically, it's a no brainer. why wouldn't i deserve the abundance of life, love, peace and happiness. but of course, doubt, worry and fear sneaks in where there are empty spaces, so i am committed to filling those gaps with more love and more trust that all my needs will be met as i continue to deep dive into nourishing my spiritual, mental, physical and emotional self.

and grow, like a wildflower. ;)

xo, me.

surrendered vulnerability

there is a vulnerability here that i am looking for within myself.

do you see her? like really see her??

i love this picture, and i love, her.

since my days of studying art history in college- i have always felt a kinship to this woman unlike many other artists i admire, collect, etc.

i am still discovering more about her personal life and her influential paintings, yet, when i came across this image the other day....

i paused.

in that very moment, i had no words and for the first time -- that was okay. 

see, we are taught in art history class that there is meaning, context, concepts, composition, texture -- etc. etc. to be explored while viewing a piece of art. in 100 words, they say, is how a photograph can be described. but i couldn't find one.

i find peace in that.

all i know is that while i have officially wrapped up projects that took a lot of time, energy and focus. the vulnerability i see in this photography is how i am choosing to see myself and others -- with permission of course; the so called truth about me, you and all that we share. 

lately, i have been reminded of said truth in ways so unexpectedly. i have begun training myself to listen with all of me while asking for complete understanding of what the Divine wants me to know. 

I am in a caterpillar stage and reminders are coming to me left and right about remaining patient. 

so i am. shedding, hibernating, meditating, reading, praying and still.

and i am trusting that this transformation will reveal wings like i've never seen before and a new discovered love of myself, and for others, including the people that make it to the other side with me and those that won't. 

all in all, the Universe provides and takes away what we need. 

i release. i let go. i surrender.

xo, me. 

i'm okay, you're okay

how do you deal with that feeling of lack or inadequacy?
how do you quiet those thoughts of someone else being the reminder of where we think we should be?

well, that comparison hurts our process and growth more than we realize. more and more i am realizing how what we experience truly starts with our thoughts.

what we give our attention to, is where we place our power!

the pressure continues in the lives of my friends and myself. we want more, yearn for more and feel as though we deserve more. i have come to understand that this is fear. nothing but fear.

i do want more.
i do yearn for more.

but at what cost?

i'm in the midst of becoming more self aware of the moments when my ego creeps out and says to myself "you are owed this -- why isn't that me? -- why is it happening to them? -- and so much more!"

sigh

telling myself all of those stories becomes really exhausting, so i decided to pause, and focus on my process exactly where i am. the more i think and write about what i've been experiencing, i've noticed a theme - and that theme is to sloooow down, accept where i am and to evolve on my own terms and to celebrate as i go.

yes, celebrate!

self love and appreciation has great benefits. when i show compassion to myself and begin to practice the belief in KNOWING that all my needs are met and the Universe delivers and is always working on my behalf -- i'm at ease. There are no mistakes, missed opportunities unless i choose to focus on what was not, has not come along or may not come my way.

that self-sabotaging thought practice is no longer working for me -- and in retrospect, never did.

i'm always up for trying something new and instead of focusing on what hasn't happened in my life, i'm focusing on what IS happening in my life, right now and knowing there is so much more to come.

changing our perception can create so many miracles in our lives.

what do you have to lose? i think we all can afford to create space for more beautiful things in our lives. abundance is what you and i both deserve out of this life, so why not give it to ourselves!?

xo, me.

everyday reminders

"When you procrastinate, self-sabotage and talk yourself out of things, you are making a choice to slow down your spiritual journey (and your success).  So if you are like me, when you find yourself wishing things would happen faster,  you have to look at yourself and be accountable for the ways you slow things down.  Make sense?" -GG Renee (All The Many Layers)

yes, this makes perfect sense. 

it has taken me quite a while to admit that i am and have been the cause of why things haven't happened in my life - both professionally and personally. too often, i blame it on someone else or something else. but that blaming causes more destruction and self sabotage, than accountability ever will. 

accountability allows me to accept where i lost focus, re-focus and attempt to reconnect with myself again. 

redirection.

i never made the connection between my professional success and my spirituality until recently. and by recently, i mean within the last three years. the more the i become connected with my Self and inner-being, by having a daily spiritual practice and now, yoga.  i understand that nothing is really separated. it's all one, just like we are all one. 

one in mind. many in body. 

lately, i have been surrounded by the need for success to happen, well, like yesterday. friends are rushing to save for retirement, be in relationships that may or may not be healthy just because we are in our 30s, staying at jobs we are unhappy with, & not pursuing our passions because there may not be enough money in it -- exhausting. 

the pressure to be successful is incredibly high and GG's words couldn't have come at a better time, for me. and i thought i'd share. 

success = connection to Self (your Spirit, intuition)

i share in the anxiety with my friends who find themselves stuck or fragmented by doing what's seemingly "right" vs. what feeds me or nurtures my soul. 

we all have choices.

what GG is saying is that it's okay to slow down and reorganize our priorities. when we choose to exhaust ourselves and the people around us with our need to control, over plan and become perfectionist in our professional and personal lives, we miss out on the beauty of our lives unfolding and our success will pass us by. 

when you reconnect with yourself - exercising, meditating, yoga, travel, stillness, etc. 

that pausing reignites our spiritual relationship with ourselves and the spirit that's on fire within us. 

that fire, is our passion and it's quite beautiful when we let it do its own thing

and, letting that fire do its own thing is a spiritual process we develop by...

(1) practicing the art of letting go and 

(2) accepting that everything will ALWAYS work out - there is no right or wrong -- only what is. 

(3) trust in our intuition and 

(4) to TRUST that we'll know what direction to take AND when we don't know which way to go --

(5)  the Universe always provides someone or something to reveal the answer. 

this is exactly where i am. my professional resume is the shit! on paper, you'd think i'd be boosting with confidence because of where i've been and who i've worked with. but the truth is that, sometimes i don't always feel so confident and i don't always feel like what i've done is the shit. and sometimes i want things to happen faster and i want more and more and more. 

so, i have to remind myself of these steps everyday. 

i let go of claiming accolades, as if that matters

i let go of trying to be someone i'm not

i accept that where i am, in this moment is pretty all over the place

but, i know that the Universe has a great plan -- and i will continue to show up and do what i'm skilled to do each and every time

i let go of the need to control outcomes or seek validation

i release attention to things i do not want my power to go towards

and, really, i simply allow myself to enjoy the pleasures of all that i do, as i'm doing them, without fear!

i am only where i am because of the way life has continued to unfold on my behalf and i believe that there is soooo much more coming my way. 

that alone, makes me excited and i'm grateful. 

life is an everyday process of opening our heart to the things we can't control and placing our power on all the miracles that have brought us exactly where we are today. 

that alone, makes us beautiful beings, with so much more to look forward to! 

xo, me. 

Ernest Holmes on Life...and our choosing it

good morning!

it's been such a busy week, i didn't realize a whole week had gone by since i last wrote in this blog! I'd like to post at least three times a week -- so that will be my goal this week. baby steps :)

in addition to working physically here and mentally in NYC as I develop/curate this exhibition -- i have been, on a daily basis, setting my intention to working within a limitless belief system. logically, i know that i am capable and all things are possible -- logically. but when you begin to live within that mindset, challenges come and i found myself having to choose whether or not i was going to stay committed to my intention or not. 

yes, there are a lot of challenges in working with an artist across the country :) many. challenges. but, when i started to become really serious about setting this intention, the opportunity to work with them became full circle and i knew that i could not think within the confines of limiting thoughts of doubt, worry or fear. thankfully, we have a budget (and for those that work with artists, know that doesn't come often!), but even having the money to do certain things started to cause limiting thoughts. 

so, i went back to what i know, and that's -- if the universe provided this opportunity (literally, in my lap) then there was purpose, promise and benefit in the work. in addition to, knowing that whatever was the will of the Universe, essentially bringing my spirit and the spirit of this artist together -- something great was brewing. we just needed to step back, ease off the aspect to control and make shit happen our way, and watch the alignment happen -- because it was meant to happen this way. 

to date -- we have a venue that is remarkable -- talent that we will soon have to choose who to add to the bill and marketing partners that will create amazing extensions for this event. the alignment. our trust. us falling back and letting IT do what IT does. amazing!

it wasn't easy. when you have a clear understanding of Universal law -- when some don't. challenges do arise. but thankfully, we (the artist and i) are on one accord and it feels good to work with someone that accepts the truth of Life as it is -- knowing it's all good in the end. 

oh! haven't mentioned Ernest Holmes yet. So, if you aren't familiar -- he is the author of The Science of the Mind. Many study this book, as it is a way of thinking when you approach Life's promise -- the Source of who we are. I enjoy reading works by thinkers who seem to understand the simplicity in Spirituality being a personal thing. This is from a chapter I read this morning:

"because Life is in you, then the Truth is in you, and the Spirit is in you and Power is in you. if you will wait on this Power, this Truth and this Light, they will guide you. one of the greatest things you can do is to learn to wait on the God Power within you...." 

love and light beings! have a beautiful day :)
xo, me. 

thinker. thinking. thought

good morning!

i felt the need to share this from my reading this morning -- before heading out for work...

thought it energy.

it is the direct reflection of our actions, speech and emotions -- which then translate themselves into our experiences. 

in other words, that which we think reality to be, is our experience!

have you considered this before? have you thought back on a situation or circumstance and said to yourself -- wow, i gave ALL of that WAY too much power! I know i have. I read recently a quote from Buddah that said, "wherever you are, there you are." 

the present.

this is exactly where we should be placing our power. within the realms of gratefulness for where we are, exactly as we are. this level of thinking gives the Universe permission to handle the rest for us. Our thinking is our power and i know that when i choose to focus on my present be-ing...what's been good, what is good, my openness. i don't have mental capacity for anything else. 

I trust that the Universe will bring me closer to what I need and take away what and whom i don't.

thought is energy.

with intention, we can refocus our thinking, hence refocusing our energy into what's in front of us. letting go of our past and releasing our future.

xo, me. 

our arguments of limitations

morning!
i hope this monday meets you in peace and love :))

how often do you hear yourself arguing or complaining about what isn't working out in your life?

i would hear myself complaining at least a few times a day. something or someone was standing in my way and it just wasn't fair. 

yesterday, i decided to live stream an Agape service and it was exactly what I needed to hear! 

Rev. Beckwith talked about the idea of arguing our limitations -- or making cases as to why we aren't living or acting within our truth. why we aren't pushing beyond the limits we've placed on ourselves and WHY, oh why, we aren't becoming exactly who we are meant to become. 

i decided to meditate on this idea. and lately, it has become so intense, that my dreams have suggested the merging of my subconscious with my conscious. in other words, challenging myself to stop telling myself "no", "i can't", "no money", "no time", etc. etc. and really rely on the knowing that everything i have coming my way, is Universal. It's purposeful. It's one of my many functions of bringing global change, altering the agreements and changing the conversations. 

i woke up today, feeling ready. this readiness has already started to open doors, has brought new people into my life and develop ideas that have me a bit intimated, but i like that. feels different. feels real. 

so this idea of arguing my limitations makes incredible sense now. i HAVE heard myself defend my actions, words, and thoughts that have fueled my powerlessness, doubt, fear and inadequacy. i want something different for myself and i'm sharing this because i know there are others out there that have been arguing their limitations as well :)) let's intend to stop and push beyond the limits we've placed on ourselves. there is really nothing against us -- no one, and no thing. 

xo, me. 

our gardens...

it's in the 80s today! perfect day to grow some thangs!!!

so, after taking the pups on a morning walk, i decided to start an herb garden. the thought wasn't as fleeting as i'm making it seem, i've done some research on which herbs i'd like to start with and the proper care for each. :) this morning was all about buying the starter plants, soil and pots. 

i decided to start with rosemary, lavender and sweet basil. while at the store, i started to get really excited about this project because there are so many plants i want to include in my herb garden, but i'm excited about these three as i know the process of watching them grow and smelling them, will be amazing! 

this is a love project, and all mine. and i needed that. 

i like to think of myself as a plant, rather a flower that needs proper nourishment to grow and shine. though i don't limit my happiness based on circumstance, i have found pleasure in myself and i know that happiness is a choice. so, today, i am choosing to spread a lil love towards something that i can watch blossom and eventually use in my cooking, sharing with others and more!. 

i think i'm most excited about this journey and how i can share it....

i needed something that i could fully invest myself into. many times, we do just that with our lovers, families and friends. but, i like the idea of giving my love to a plant -- whom like me, needs sunlight, water and nourishment to grow. perhaps this will be an attempt to give myself that same tender love and care, too ;))

and i say that because i haven't been too good to myself in thought and action. i'd like to change that. so, like everything, it will be a process, but this herb garden will be my starting point! 

i picked up an old journal yesterday and found some words i had written, to be really inspiring. perhaps they will be the same for you :))

happy saturday!

"...today will be the most perfect day for my light to shine. my peace is so fulfilling, my love so abundant and i observe transformation. i exist today, perfectly. i am alive!." 

xo, me. 

between logic and action

by GG Renee of AllTheManyLayers 

and author of The Beautiful Disruption and Wallflower

Take a step back for a moment. There is no need to prove anything. The brave face you put forward everyday says enough. 

I hope that when you finish reading this, you feel lighter. You just might be gentler with yourself. Everyone has bad habits. Everyone has blind spots. You will never figure it all out, but you will learn things. There's peace in that.

Read On!>>>
This is a place where cracks and imperfections and testimonies are beloved. Here, to know better does not always mean to do better, and that's okay. I believe and I still doubt. Through it all, I pray, I write and I hold on to myself. I am challenged everyday and I still choose to believe. Here, we tell stories; we don't judge.

I always want to do better. But I also want to allow myself to journey in peace, without constant criticism and judgment. I want to be a soothing refuge for myself. I try to avoid tripping over the same bump in the road more than once, but it happens. I trip. I fall hard often and get bruised. I'm not ashamed of my bruises anymore. I have lived. I am living. There's no need to hide that. I have scars, each one kissed with acceptance. If I didn't have these scars I wouldn't know how beautiful they could make me feel.

I wonder if you are ever afraid to get away. To just get up and walk out. Remove yourself from the madness. Walk out of the insecurity and the urge to compare yourself. Run and don't look back. Stop measuring yourself. Stop keeping track. Do you ever? Have you ever?

I have. But eventually, I look back. I look around and I lose my footing and I trip. I see myself doing things and I wonder when I'll stop. My assumptions threaten me with lack. I know they aren't real but I entertain them and I let them delay me. My mind can be a deceptive place.

My regrets are older than me. I grieve over things I've never seen. I can't remember, but I feel responsible. I feel necessary, then I feel useless. All the world is happening and if I don't shut it out, I can't hear myself. I can't contribute. I sit there with my cracks and imperfections and testimonies and I just breathe. Sometimes that's all I can do.

I'm not going to chase better. I won't hold on so tight that my hands lose their warmth and softness. My definition of success keeps getting simpler -- love, food, shelter, dreams. Everything else is luxury. 

It has become clear to me that forgiveness makes life peaceful. And gratitude, that is what truly makes the quality of life better. Here, we appreciate the puzzles and the dead ends as much as the rainbows and the pots of gold.

have faith?

what do they say? "faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen?"

loosen up those mental chains, let go of the need to control and just be...

there are so many wonderful things happening in the lives of my family and friends -- we are so blessed. i encourage you to be still, listen and observe. the answers are already here! the opportunities are waiting for you!! get out of your OWN way!!

life can be that simple. 

xo, me. 

creative living

hi Universal beings!

the cleansing continues with pouring rain this morning. it's quiet, fresh and perfect. i can't even describe the beauty i see because everything seems so much more bright or green i should say. 

i have been reading The Artist's Way off and on for the last couple months. I started off really committed to reading it every day and writing my 3 pages of morning thoughts every morning. Then i just stopped -- i don't know if i needed to switch up the practice and monotony of it, or i got bored with the reading. either way, i picked the book up again and it is proving to be even more valuable. 

today, there was a sentence that struck my inner spirit and it read: "creative living requires the luxury of time, which we carve out for ourselves." 

think about that for a minute. 

when we think about our creativity, in all facets, do we make time for the things that bring us joy or luxury?

do we give ourselves permission to carve out time to be alone doing the things that we enjoy doing, that instantly put smiles on our faces?

i know that writing for me became a passion because i was good at it. everyone told me so. so, i said to myself, okay, this is what you are good at, pursue it. i became a writer--i was published and i was validated by people in the business as having talent. 

then writing became something that started to feel like a chore, i no longer enjoyed it and i was becoming distracted by other interests. now that i think about it, i could say that maybe i became scared of the hard work associated with writing and saw something easier --that could very well be accurate. either way, the process i took to get myself back into my writing was necessary. i acquired skills and other talents that i did not possess then. And, writing in this blog brings me pleasure! i am still working on disciplining myself to writing in this blog daily, but i know that TOO is a process that i must trust.

so, what i am taking a long time to actually say lol is to give yourself time and permission to get back to the things that mattered once. the things that you enjoyed, or put a smile on your face. Even if it's 15 minutes a day to draw a picture, buy some wood, cook a dessert --whatever creativity you share with the rest of us collective souls, DO IT!

let's trust this process together.

xo, me. 

let me love, me

hello Universal beings!

it's been a few days -- i have been a little low on energy and self love. But i am growing and pushing through the limits i've places on my self, so i have faith that I will blossom from this feeling very soon. 

magic, right?! :)

i signed up for a yoga newsletter recently, and i read an article that shared this with the readers:

"Unless we are whole and able to find happiness within our lives, we cannot possibly have healthy relationships with others. When we are unable to love ourselves, we seek affection and love from our partners." 

how true is this statement?!! this is precisely what i have been battling with lately and this broke it down quite clear for me. my contract has ended with Sundance and i am in search of my next project -- i told myself before it ended that i would not sink back into a place of sadness and inadequacy. because whatever it is that we feel we are lacking, is because of us -- not others. remember that!

the Universe is soooo good to us, because when we quiet the voices in our heads -- and open our hearts to truly listen to what it is that we need to learn from our circumstances, we are given exactly all the truth we need. 

and this article, was the TRUTH i needed! 

i have been smothering my partner and mostly because i have been unhappy, sad, and really trying to push though the fear of when i will start working again. i must trust and worrying and faith don't mix, i know that much!

so, i do not want my relationship to implode, and i do not want to smother my partner to the point where she distances herself from me. so, i have committed myself to doing things that help me continue to give myself all the loving i need in order to be a better partner, friend, lover and supporter. 

there is no us without me being good to me, first. 

intention for today -- give yourself permission to love yourself today. be it yoga, reading, writing, meditating, whatever you need to do to get back to you -- do it!! :))))

meditation: i align myself with the Universe

xo, me. 

alignment.

good evening Universal beings!

i hope your day has been beautiful. mine started with a power cycling class and needless to say, i feel excellent. i am so happy to be exercising again! stepping back from my computer and leaving my phone is a MUST at least three times a week lol

i woke up this morning with a really clear mind. last night i had the opportunity to speak with some creative minds who are all doing exceptional things in their lives. i have been blessed with amazing opportunities to speak with people who are DOING things and not just talking about them. so, it's been pretty inspiring to get a taste of their energy and really feel motivated to continue on my own projects. 

with my new found interest in filmmaking, i met a teacher + filmmaker that has agreed to speak to me about the field and i'm hoping i'll be able to shadow him in the near future. the Universe is really aligning me and i'm excited about it.

this is what i mean when i say get ready for the leadership from Spirit. your heart will let you know when you're heading in the right path and i believe that we all have the choice to open our eyes and minds to what's being given to us. it was by no mistake that i met these amazing souls last night -- it was purposeful and i'm ready for it. 

this process is going to stretch me and just like any advice i would give to a friend, i'm going to now give it to myself. and i'm going for it.

so, i'm off to do some writing!

this is the magic ;)

xo, me. 

Truth...as we are

good morning Universal beings!

it's going to be a beautiful day -- full of love, light, peace and joy. do you believe that?

the way you start your day, sets the pace for the unfolding. i've noticed that the more i indulge myself in what truly matters; loving and being loved. i come across the most beautiful spirits. connection is inevitable and unless you choose to live in a cave, you will always find yourself connected or connecting to someone whether planned or random. 

that experience alone is what i welcome. you just never know who you will meet and what you will learn from them. i read once that we should see ourselves in each other -- sometimes that's something i welcome, however, it can also be uncomfortable. 

truth is, well truth. and sometimes that truth hurts and we don't want to see it, and definitely not in ourselves. 

but, i have intended upon pushing through those barriers when felt. when i discover that i harbor tendencies that i don't like, it's up to me to change it.  it's always up to us to change the things we don't like -- while being patient with ourselves and accepting our truth. 

we are like fertile ground -- producing seeds that will eventually blossom into buds, then flowers and brighten the world. we are here to change the world. we are equipped with the power that surrounds us and that same power lives within us! isn't that refreshing!? there is no reason to hide behind our fears of our truth. the more we accept ourselves and change what can be altered -- we become more and more ready to change the world. 

Rev. Beckwith states that our function to change the world includes changing the agreements and conversations that lend themselves to consistent mediocrity. something we all participate in. i know i am guilty! so in other words, we change our minds, our speech, our movements and we pass it along to other hearts and spirits with the hope that they will too change themselves and pass it along. 

the world, our global energy is so beautiful and it includes all of us. one mind, many bodies! 

it is up to us. 

intention for today -- dare to accept who we are, where we are. and love ourselves, anyway. :))

magical!

xo,me. 

morning muses

do you have a muse?

                                                                           
someone or something that inspires you, encourages you and challenges you to do more -- and by more, i mean more with yourself, your life, your creativity, your loving, living, health -- all of you!

i'd like to think that i have a muse. it would be incredibly cliche to say that "life" is my muse, because there is so much to life -- but in some ways, life is my muse. 

life brings, rather -- the Universe has brought people, places, opportunities and experiences that all could be grouped into my box labeled, muse.

when needed, i pull out a memory that really pushes me through the limits i have placed on myself. recently, an email exchange with a new friend encouraged me to really consider yesterday as a springboard to being all that i didn't allow myself to be yesterday, today. in retrospect, though i am the same person, mentally, every day i become stronger..and her words just confirmed that strength.

i loved the conversation we had because it really made me recognize the gifts that were unfolding and have unfolded in my life. and the day before any of those things happened, there was doubt and fear and worry.

new day, new chance. 

and lots and lots of mew muses. life gives us all that we need, when we need it -- exactly, perfectly. think about it.

every morning gives me the opportunity to restore what i didn't allow myself to create yesterday. thankful for the eyes to see the beauty, ears to hear nature and my limbs and right mind to experience life to the fullest are always my first prayers. i create space within the Universe -- like birds do with their calls -- and ask to be led and fed as my day unfolds. 

today has been an excellent day so far -- worthy of two entries :) 

xo, me. 

abundance!

good morning Universal beings!

how are you feeling? :)

hopefully refreshed and optimistic! i decided to take a 7am power cycling/yoga class and i don't know why i waited so long to do this. it was fantastic and exactly what i needed to jump start my mid-week productivity. 

but what i thought was very fitting -- was that the intention for the month was abundance. it was absolutely what i needed to see and hear. i should have taken a picture of the sign that was front and center before all the cyclists. with each breath, we took in thoughts of where we wanted abundance and exhaled all that we needed to give up in order to receive our blessings. 

sacrifice, as i have learned, is the giving up of what no longer works. 

this is what i chose to focus on while pedaling my way up and down hills -- though physically, i was present, and giving it my all. mentally, i couldn't help but to think and consider all the ways in which i may be standing in my own way. so my intention for the day, is to the step aside. and really allow the Universe to usher in all the abundance that i've been promised. 

the greatness lives within me, my core being, so i have no reason to fear what comes my way, because i'm ready and already equipped.  

many of you may know that i just ended a contract with the Sundance Film Festival -- in which i was their social media coordinator. 2 weeks in beautiful park city, utah, i had an enormous amount of time to reflect, restore and reprogram my thinking and behaviors. 

so i'm ready.  the class this morning was a beautiful reminder of all that i had started to put into progress for myself. abundance is what i want and in order for me to receive, i MUST be open and ready. 

abundance of self
abundance of love
abundance of creativity
abundance of happiness
abundance of peace
abundance of self discovery
abundance of health
abundance of beauty
abundance of opportunity 

to name a few....

how will you open yourself up to more abundance in your life?

dare to be open and you shall receive.

xo, me. 

and so it begins...

with, me.

and in this breath, i am here. alive. healthy. happy. and living in LA.

the last time i wrote in a blog, was back when my music journalism days were my life. music was my life --the order was, music, friends, lovers, me.

ha.

and that "me" being at the end, was pretty accurate during that time in my life. 

and so it begins. 

where I realize or have come to realize, that my priorities in life were all mixed up and the order in which i choose to live my life now, starts with me.

 

(shantell martin)

me.

so, who am i? i have discovered that i am a self-proclaimed "bad girl" -- a play on words of course! i'm not really a bad girl -- i don't even know what that would look like, since bad is good and good can be bad. *shrug* 

i just know that everything i yearn for or want to do or am impressed by are things that could very well be the opposite of how i was raised in thinking a "good" girl should do, think, act, talk etc. 

fuck that.

everything at this point in my life has meaning and purpose and i love that. i love what isn't typical or perfect or neat. in fact, i am in love with what seems to be messy or thoughtless or even random. i've come to know that those moments do share a commonality -- and that's that they are real, tangible, felt, beneficial. 

too many times i run into people, whom i love, that are obsessed with controlling outcome, or planning or creating purpose by drafting lists and circling dates in their calendar. i don't doubt that it brings comfort -- it has to me too. but, i've learned that we can't control universal law and the best way to ease that pressure - is to simply live life and live it gratefully and abundantly. 

some may read this as fluff. but it's true. let go, and see what happens. 

it's magic.

xo, me.