forever you, my friend

woke up to some sad new today. an old friend passed away, whom i valued and was definitely anxious to see them again. it had been a month since we last spoke to each other, and i remember feeling like things were not okay in their world. as their responses were becoming "okay and good" and typically shorter than i was accustomed to. 

unsure how they transitioned, i am grateful today for the time spent with them. the many conversations, the smiles, the laughter, the late night "what do i do" or "let me teach you how" -- it was worth it. their life was worth the many moments i shared with therm and the countless moments others will be able to claim. 

they will be missed and forever treasured. 

the sun is shining bright today and the sky, as you can see is sooooo blue :)) a new angel!
love and light to all!

xo, me. 

while living in LA!

I have become accustomed to..
the hotness of the sun against my window at 7am
waking up to the sounds of birds, claiming their space within the Universe
yoga + spin classes, all at the same time
my favorite color green, everywhere i look!
fitness as a lifestyle choice
fresh juice shops, literally in every neighborhood
varieties of canyons to hike, as often as i like!
outdoor cafes
days feeling like forever
did i mention lots and lots of sunlight!
and me, happier than i have been in a while....

i can live with that! :))

xo, me.

love.

I find the best way to love someone 

is not to change them, 

but instead, 

help them reveal 

the greatest version 

of themselves...

our gardens...

it's in the 80s today! perfect day to grow some thangs!!!

so, after taking the pups on a morning walk, i decided to start an herb garden. the thought wasn't as fleeting as i'm making it seem, i've done some research on which herbs i'd like to start with and the proper care for each. :) this morning was all about buying the starter plants, soil and pots. 

i decided to start with rosemary, lavender and sweet basil. while at the store, i started to get really excited about this project because there are so many plants i want to include in my herb garden, but i'm excited about these three as i know the process of watching them grow and smelling them, will be amazing! 

this is a love project, and all mine. and i needed that. 

i like to think of myself as a plant, rather a flower that needs proper nourishment to grow and shine. though i don't limit my happiness based on circumstance, i have found pleasure in myself and i know that happiness is a choice. so, today, i am choosing to spread a lil love towards something that i can watch blossom and eventually use in my cooking, sharing with others and more!. 

i think i'm most excited about this journey and how i can share it....

i needed something that i could fully invest myself into. many times, we do just that with our lovers, families and friends. but, i like the idea of giving my love to a plant -- whom like me, needs sunlight, water and nourishment to grow. perhaps this will be an attempt to give myself that same tender love and care, too ;))

and i say that because i haven't been too good to myself in thought and action. i'd like to change that. so, like everything, it will be a process, but this herb garden will be my starting point! 

i picked up an old journal yesterday and found some words i had written, to be really inspiring. perhaps they will be the same for you :))

happy saturday!

"...today will be the most perfect day for my light to shine. my peace is so fulfilling, my love so abundant and i observe transformation. i exist today, perfectly. i am alive!." 

xo, me. 

between logic and action

by GG Renee of AllTheManyLayers 

and author of The Beautiful Disruption and Wallflower

Take a step back for a moment. There is no need to prove anything. The brave face you put forward everyday says enough. 

I hope that when you finish reading this, you feel lighter. You just might be gentler with yourself. Everyone has bad habits. Everyone has blind spots. You will never figure it all out, but you will learn things. There's peace in that.

Read On!>>>
This is a place where cracks and imperfections and testimonies are beloved. Here, to know better does not always mean to do better, and that's okay. I believe and I still doubt. Through it all, I pray, I write and I hold on to myself. I am challenged everyday and I still choose to believe. Here, we tell stories; we don't judge.

I always want to do better. But I also want to allow myself to journey in peace, without constant criticism and judgment. I want to be a soothing refuge for myself. I try to avoid tripping over the same bump in the road more than once, but it happens. I trip. I fall hard often and get bruised. I'm not ashamed of my bruises anymore. I have lived. I am living. There's no need to hide that. I have scars, each one kissed with acceptance. If I didn't have these scars I wouldn't know how beautiful they could make me feel.

I wonder if you are ever afraid to get away. To just get up and walk out. Remove yourself from the madness. Walk out of the insecurity and the urge to compare yourself. Run and don't look back. Stop measuring yourself. Stop keeping track. Do you ever? Have you ever?

I have. But eventually, I look back. I look around and I lose my footing and I trip. I see myself doing things and I wonder when I'll stop. My assumptions threaten me with lack. I know they aren't real but I entertain them and I let them delay me. My mind can be a deceptive place.

My regrets are older than me. I grieve over things I've never seen. I can't remember, but I feel responsible. I feel necessary, then I feel useless. All the world is happening and if I don't shut it out, I can't hear myself. I can't contribute. I sit there with my cracks and imperfections and testimonies and I just breathe. Sometimes that's all I can do.

I'm not going to chase better. I won't hold on so tight that my hands lose their warmth and softness. My definition of success keeps getting simpler -- love, food, shelter, dreams. Everything else is luxury. 

It has become clear to me that forgiveness makes life peaceful. And gratitude, that is what truly makes the quality of life better. Here, we appreciate the puzzles and the dead ends as much as the rainbows and the pots of gold.

have faith?

what do they say? "faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen?"

loosen up those mental chains, let go of the need to control and just be...

there are so many wonderful things happening in the lives of my family and friends -- we are so blessed. i encourage you to be still, listen and observe. the answers are already here! the opportunities are waiting for you!! get out of your OWN way!!

life can be that simple. 

xo, me. 

who are we?!

checking our ego is a necessity -- everyday, all day! taken from yogajournal.com 

Meditating on the question "Who Am I?" for as little as 5 minutes can help you look beyond your ego's definition of you and discover what lies beneath.

1. Settle into your body.
Come into a comfortable seated posture, with your eyes closed, and your hands folded in your lap. Lengthen your back, and let your chin move back so you feel as if your head is being suspended by a cord from the ceiling. Scan your body, noticing and softening any tightness in the shoulders, face, thighs, belly, arms, and hands. Take 5 deep inhalations and exhalations.

2. Focus on your breath.
Become aware of the rise and fall of the breath. Let your breathing be natural and relaxed as it brings you into the present moment. Feel the coolness of the breath as it flows in the nostrils and the warmth as it flows out. Notice where you feel the breath in your body. Do you feel it in the chest and shoulders? In the diaphragm or belly?

3. Quiet the mind.
Sensing the flow of the breath, inhale with the thought "I am." Feel the energy of the words mingling with your breath, flowing into your inner body. Then, with the exhalation, feel the space that these words leave in your consciousness. Continue to repeat the pure mantra "I am" without attaching any other thoughts to it. Stay here for several minutes if you can, allowing yourself to become more and more relaxed.

4. Practice inquiry.
As your mind quiets, begin to drop in the question, "Who am I, without words? Without thoughts? Without memories or emotions?" Pay attention to the awareness that opens up. If words or emotions arise, allow them to be there. Identify them—"thoughts," "sadness," or "confusion"—and return to the question. You're not looking for an answer. Look past the answers that arise to experience the bare awareness that is your sense of being, of pure existence.

5. Rest in awareness.
This sense of pure existence is there, and as you practice this meditation, it will eventually reveal itself. Continue your inquiry, and see if you can gently rest for a second or two in the wordless awareness that immediately follows the question. The opening into awareness may last only for a few seconds. If you get hung up on your thoughts, start over: Return to the breath, and the mantra "I am." Then, ask the question again, and notice what arises. Stay with the practice for as few as 5 or as many as 30 minutes. Then open your eyes, and return to your day.