collecting bones

"what would my life look like if I wasn't attached to my "story" of pain?"

i get stuck, often. 

mostly mentally. 

i get lost in thoughts of what ifs and why didn't i, or even i wish i had. 

i've become so enamored by the lingering feelings of certain pains and misfortunes

resting with ease in what seems to have become too familiar

i no longer want that.

my reality in waves -- ups and downs, over easy, leaving me stuck on stories of what was instead of thoughts and manifestations of what could be. 

what would my life look like if i let go --- was unattached?

free. light. forgiven....

i want that peace. i want that courage. i want that reality. 

xo, me. 

like a wildflower.

"I don't know what direction I'm going in, but I know how I want to feel..." -gg renee

like this...a wildflower.
free and certain that as i effortlessly grow - i'll always be nourished and watered

lately, i have been feeling just. like. this. :))
it's such a beautiful feeling and i am manifesting more and more of how i want to feel, every.single.day.

before i started this deep dive, i would focus on who i wasn't, what i didn't have, and what wasn't happening in my life.

what you focus on will grow, right?

so as resentment started to grow, mental paralysis of my creativity started to become a constant and my energy level suffered let alone my confidence in completing simple tasks....

yea, i became a version of myself i did not know, recognized or loved.

then, one morning -- i woke up thinking about wildflowers and how beautiful they are in all their colors, lengths, shapes, sizes, scents, etc. the word effortless came to mind and i began to really value the ease in personal growth by allowing the Universe to take care of what i didn't have to --

trust/certainty.

deep diving into my own insecurities and inner struggles with what i know i deserve. logically, it's a no brainer. why wouldn't i deserve the abundance of life, love, peace and happiness. but of course, doubt, worry and fear sneaks in where there are empty spaces, so i am committed to filling those gaps with more love and more trust that all my needs will be met as i continue to deep dive into nourishing my spiritual, mental, physical and emotional self.

and grow, like a wildflower. ;)

xo, me.

"let us continue our walk along the sea...." -- mark nepo

my latest summer read came in the mail yesterday -- and i'm already on chapter three.
Seven Thousand Ways To Listen, by Mark Nepo is the book and i've been heavily engaged.

he speaks on the practice of willingly opening ourselves up to listen.
and listening isn't only with our ears, but all senses. it's asking ourselves questions such as "do I honor what those around me need, in order to hear?" or "do i help them find their center point of listening?"

this level of listening requires patience and practice, but i know it's achievable.

when i purposely create moments of silence for myself, i hear more of the answers to my many questions, struggles, needs and wants and how to utilize my yearning for discovery to be a moment of healing, for others.

how can we make more of an initiative to listen? to honor the truth of ourselves, to others and God?

my weekly intention.

because when truth is revealed, it is up to me to keep that truth visible. to not allow that truth to go invisible again, and to honor the truth i see in you as well.  it's a beautiful exchange.

..."so at the deepest level, the most essential level, listening entails a constant effect to feel that moment where everything touches everything else."

xo, me.

surrendered vulnerability

there is a vulnerability here that i am looking for within myself.

do you see her? like really see her??

i love this picture, and i love, her.

since my days of studying art history in college- i have always felt a kinship to this woman unlike many other artists i admire, collect, etc.

i am still discovering more about her personal life and her influential paintings, yet, when i came across this image the other day....

i paused.

in that very moment, i had no words and for the first time -- that was okay. 

see, we are taught in art history class that there is meaning, context, concepts, composition, texture -- etc. etc. to be explored while viewing a piece of art. in 100 words, they say, is how a photograph can be described. but i couldn't find one.

i find peace in that.

all i know is that while i have officially wrapped up projects that took a lot of time, energy and focus. the vulnerability i see in this photography is how i am choosing to see myself and others -- with permission of course; the so called truth about me, you and all that we share. 

lately, i have been reminded of said truth in ways so unexpectedly. i have begun training myself to listen with all of me while asking for complete understanding of what the Divine wants me to know. 

I am in a caterpillar stage and reminders are coming to me left and right about remaining patient. 

so i am. shedding, hibernating, meditating, reading, praying and still.

and i am trusting that this transformation will reveal wings like i've never seen before and a new discovered love of myself, and for others, including the people that make it to the other side with me and those that won't. 

all in all, the Universe provides and takes away what we need. 

i release. i let go. i surrender.

xo, me. 

loving, at first sight of ourselves

do you dream Universal beings?

i do. quite often. dreams lift us higher, help us to keep moving and believing in the life we want for ourselves. 

the reading this morning talked about "love at first sight" and remembering when we first experienced love -- like real love. 

the moment we felt complete and whole, like we mattered and safe. when i sat and thought about the moment, it wasn't tied to any romantic relationship, but when i was a child -- and the earliest memories of pleasing my parents and feeling that sense of love that made the world seem as though it was mine. 

we should feel that complete everyday, all day. it is possible. 

the meditation for the reading went into breathing out past -sights and future-sights and really basking in that first-sight of love. the feeling, the face, the air, the warmth, whatever, whomever and wherever it was -- Mark Nepo asked us to hold onto that feeling. 

i did that. and it was so energizing because when i let go of trying to get back to that "feeling" i had with so and so or the feeling i want now, with so and so. it made me feel really good to just feel pleasure in that time when i felt whole and completely me -- with me. 

perhaps we spend too much time trying to love someone else completely, that we alienate ourselves in the process of loving ourselves....the way we should.

we ARE everything we could ever need. we ARE whole, right now, right here. 

so, that's the intention for today. feeling whole, owning my beauty, my body, my present, who i am and LOVING every minute of it. It's me, i am who i am for a reason and all that greatness and power that lives within me is real and very much needed by the world. I am bigger than my past, and much bigger than JUST dreaming of my future. I am living now, not asking question, but accepting and learning. 

it CAN really be that simple. 

xo, me.