collecting bones

"what would my life look like if I wasn't attached to my "story" of pain?"

i get stuck, often. 

mostly mentally. 

i get lost in thoughts of what ifs and why didn't i, or even i wish i had. 

i've become so enamored by the lingering feelings of certain pains and misfortunes

resting with ease in what seems to have become too familiar

i no longer want that.

my reality in waves -- ups and downs, over easy, leaving me stuck on stories of what was instead of thoughts and manifestations of what could be. 

what would my life look like if i let go --- was unattached?

free. light. forgiven....

i want that peace. i want that courage. i want that reality. 

xo, me. 

a message.

...whether you are in my life on this day only or years to come -- i thank you for your words. :)

"Ashe! Also, as with all things- may it be your heart, a job, buildings, the earth- there's always going to be change. pain & growth. What's most important is the learned lesson (experience). Enjoy and appreciate the fact that you're existing as you are and people are doing the same. Take it for what it is (but with appreciation and high regards of course). Appreciate your process and everyone else's that's blessed with the opportunity to be apart of your life (for a day or years)."

like a wildflower.

"I don't know what direction I'm going in, but I know how I want to feel..." -gg renee

like this...a wildflower.
free and certain that as i effortlessly grow - i'll always be nourished and watered

lately, i have been feeling just. like. this. :))
it's such a beautiful feeling and i am manifesting more and more of how i want to feel, every.single.day.

before i started this deep dive, i would focus on who i wasn't, what i didn't have, and what wasn't happening in my life.

what you focus on will grow, right?

so as resentment started to grow, mental paralysis of my creativity started to become a constant and my energy level suffered let alone my confidence in completing simple tasks....

yea, i became a version of myself i did not know, recognized or loved.

then, one morning -- i woke up thinking about wildflowers and how beautiful they are in all their colors, lengths, shapes, sizes, scents, etc. the word effortless came to mind and i began to really value the ease in personal growth by allowing the Universe to take care of what i didn't have to --

trust/certainty.

deep diving into my own insecurities and inner struggles with what i know i deserve. logically, it's a no brainer. why wouldn't i deserve the abundance of life, love, peace and happiness. but of course, doubt, worry and fear sneaks in where there are empty spaces, so i am committed to filling those gaps with more love and more trust that all my needs will be met as i continue to deep dive into nourishing my spiritual, mental, physical and emotional self.

and grow, like a wildflower. ;)

xo, me.

"let us continue our walk along the sea...." -- mark nepo

my latest summer read came in the mail yesterday -- and i'm already on chapter three.
Seven Thousand Ways To Listen, by Mark Nepo is the book and i've been heavily engaged.

he speaks on the practice of willingly opening ourselves up to listen.
and listening isn't only with our ears, but all senses. it's asking ourselves questions such as "do I honor what those around me need, in order to hear?" or "do i help them find their center point of listening?"

this level of listening requires patience and practice, but i know it's achievable.

when i purposely create moments of silence for myself, i hear more of the answers to my many questions, struggles, needs and wants and how to utilize my yearning for discovery to be a moment of healing, for others.

how can we make more of an initiative to listen? to honor the truth of ourselves, to others and God?

my weekly intention.

because when truth is revealed, it is up to me to keep that truth visible. to not allow that truth to go invisible again, and to honor the truth i see in you as well.  it's a beautiful exchange.

..."so at the deepest level, the most essential level, listening entails a constant effect to feel that moment where everything touches everything else."

xo, me.

surrendered vulnerability

there is a vulnerability here that i am looking for within myself.

do you see her? like really see her??

i love this picture, and i love, her.

since my days of studying art history in college- i have always felt a kinship to this woman unlike many other artists i admire, collect, etc.

i am still discovering more about her personal life and her influential paintings, yet, when i came across this image the other day....

i paused.

in that very moment, i had no words and for the first time -- that was okay. 

see, we are taught in art history class that there is meaning, context, concepts, composition, texture -- etc. etc. to be explored while viewing a piece of art. in 100 words, they say, is how a photograph can be described. but i couldn't find one.

i find peace in that.

all i know is that while i have officially wrapped up projects that took a lot of time, energy and focus. the vulnerability i see in this photography is how i am choosing to see myself and others -- with permission of course; the so called truth about me, you and all that we share. 

lately, i have been reminded of said truth in ways so unexpectedly. i have begun training myself to listen with all of me while asking for complete understanding of what the Divine wants me to know. 

I am in a caterpillar stage and reminders are coming to me left and right about remaining patient. 

so i am. shedding, hibernating, meditating, reading, praying and still.

and i am trusting that this transformation will reveal wings like i've never seen before and a new discovered love of myself, and for others, including the people that make it to the other side with me and those that won't. 

all in all, the Universe provides and takes away what we need. 

i release. i let go. i surrender.

xo, me. 

deepdive

hello world,

how are you?
my absence has good reason :) I was in nyc co-producing this....

and returned to LA a week later to still be managing all of the PR/Marketing for this...

and with both of those projects now out of the way -- i can do this...

it's time for me. to dive deep -- write, reflect, release and with the fall coming and lots of creative considerations and projects brewing, i'm going to honor the boundary of pausing and allowing myself to regroup and refresh. I look forward to getting back to regularly sharing and writing and just letting thoughts flow. the Universe gives and takes away exactly what's needed and i welcome this moment of transformation.

xo, me.

bird by bird

lately, i have been doing a lot of listening.
it's been good, because i believe that alone is one of my greatest qualities.

friends comment on it and i suppose learning about actively listening while in middle school came in handy, because people love a good listener.

but my heart has been heavy and after most of the conversations i've been having, i feel this incredible weight and sorrow for the dreams of my friends that i'm afraid won't be allowed to manifest.

why? well, because of time -- they say. time is what they have very little of and time is what they need more of in order to fulfill their goals, dreams and to become successful (by their standards).

the urgency and the impatience for "things to work out" is extremely high... there is a silent need for the Universe to deliver what they feel they are owed, based on how long and how hard they've been working -and - to know the outcome of their projects, the risks they are considering, the partner they are with, where they will be living for the rest of their lives, their career, it's a lot!

at 29, i have been a part of more conversations like this than i ever imagined. mostly because until recently, i didn't know that i was supposed to be thinking about my social security, family, marriage, house, assets, etc. while on the verge of turning 30 -- and yet, i'm mostly consumed with thoughts of visiting Portland and perhaps getting a new tattoo. *shrugs*

why do so many people feel as though there is no time?

why do we limit ourselves and believe that there is no time to still be spontaneous, to take risks, travel to far away places, think about kids later, buy that house when you're absolutely ready or more!?

time, time, time!
i'm starting to hate the word, let alone the idea that possibility is limited.

i just don't believe it.

the more my friends and i think about what time we don't have, the more we continue to do nothing, move nowhere and dream so very little.

last night i had tea with a young woman who moved to LA from Chicago 8 months ago. she's a comedic writer. a dreamer and her light shined so brightly whenever we talked about writing and what she wanted out of life. she believed in every word. i did too.

then it happened.

within seconds after at least 15 mins of talking about dreams and the possibilities of her obtaining wealth, abundance, and movement came the "i can'ts...unless" and all the possible if/then statements that felt like we slammed on the breaks just before hitting a wall.

riddled with excuses, her language went from "i speak everything into existence" to "i can't write because of...." and i had to say something.....and then, write.

i titled this blog post Bird by Bird, because at the moment, i am reading Bird by Bird, but Anne Lamott and the entire book is about her musings as a writer and life. Bird by bird is a phrase I will forever remember because it simply means step by step. When we move beyond the limits or challenges that we surrender to, we can clearly see the steps we must take or consider when pursuing our goals as artists or in my new friend's case,as a writer.

so, i said to her. what keeps you from writing or starting the blog you speak of?

she said her roommate, and that she needs peace and quiet, her job, because it's just not what she thought it would be, she said money, because she wants to be making more and time, because she gave herself until the end of the year for "success" to happen.

*sigh*

she placed a lot of pressure on herself and her creativity. as i continued to listen, i heard how unless the atmosphere was perfect, she wouldn't put pen to paper and her motivation was shot.

i got it. i too felt that way. but what i'm learning more and more by reading books like Bird by Bird and talking to others about their creative process, is that the more i wait for that perfect moment to release my creativity -- i won't do anything, because in essence, that moment won't ever come. and we find ourselves waiting --- waiting --- and waiting.

without having to go into the full 2 hour discussion -- i decided that i'd think on ways to encourage her gently, hoping she saw value in trying something new to get her closer to her goals.

we all want "success" and though our definitions may be different, the basics are the same for everyone. Money to be comfortable, happiness, opportunity and TIME to continue our creativity.

i told her that i knew all she spoke of would manifest somehow and in ways she wouldn't expect - BUT - she would have to put pen to paper no matter what. It's funny, because we want the Universe to show up, but do we??

do we push through the limits of not having the perfect setting, enough money, or access to what we think we need in order to get started. Like Lamott writes in her book over and over -- we just have to get started. the journey and process will unfold naturally when we show up and commit.

so, get started. the world needs you. we're waiting....

xo, me.

that damn safety net

yesterday, i was told that i grew up without much of a safety net. and, for that reason - i respond to certain triggers and situations in a very awkward, emotionally self-absorbed way.

i am still processing this observation, but the idea of safety has been haunting me since that conversation. what is it and is it something that is taught, acquired or learned?

my therapist made this observation and rightfully so, because that is her job. she sensed that i have been mentally scattered and she is right, i am. but one circumstance of me forgetting to walk my dogs in the afternoon --making them hold their "do" for an extended period of time -- made her feel as though i was emotionally neglected growing up and that my interest in being aware of others that depend on me is under-developed.

hmmmm.

even typing that is a lot. but, i appreciated her thoughtfulness and regard to whether or not i tend to forget certain responsibilities when i become mentally distracted.

i don't know.

a one time occurrence has led me to questioning the levels of "safety" that has been in my life, and rather it exists today.

there are many places i feel safe. in my home, for instance. i feel safe in every room. i feel safe enough to walk around in the dark, to fall asleep with the patio door open for fresh air. i feel safe in my neighborhood and walking the dogs at night, alone. when i think of my physical safety -- i feel safe.

the kicker in all of this was when asked to recount certain memories of my emotional and mental safety, where she concluded that my emotions/feelings were not kept safe. they weren't validated as being okay for me to have or express and now, when triggered, i go into defense mode since i haven't felt safe to leave feelings on the table without fear of critique, dismissal or neglectful handling.

oh.

like i said, this is still something i'm thinking about, and the idea of being mentally and/or emotionally safe feels like something i'd like to discuss more and be more mindful of. perhaps we all should be more mindful of how we take care of our emotional health -- AND to reflect on where we learned how to take care of our emotional selves -- if at all.

a day in deep thought.

xo, me.

i'm okay, you're okay

how do you deal with that feeling of lack or inadequacy?
how do you quiet those thoughts of someone else being the reminder of where we think we should be?

well, that comparison hurts our process and growth more than we realize. more and more i am realizing how what we experience truly starts with our thoughts.

what we give our attention to, is where we place our power!

the pressure continues in the lives of my friends and myself. we want more, yearn for more and feel as though we deserve more. i have come to understand that this is fear. nothing but fear.

i do want more.
i do yearn for more.

but at what cost?

i'm in the midst of becoming more self aware of the moments when my ego creeps out and says to myself "you are owed this -- why isn't that me? -- why is it happening to them? -- and so much more!"

sigh

telling myself all of those stories becomes really exhausting, so i decided to pause, and focus on my process exactly where i am. the more i think and write about what i've been experiencing, i've noticed a theme - and that theme is to sloooow down, accept where i am and to evolve on my own terms and to celebrate as i go.

yes, celebrate!

self love and appreciation has great benefits. when i show compassion to myself and begin to practice the belief in KNOWING that all my needs are met and the Universe delivers and is always working on my behalf -- i'm at ease. There are no mistakes, missed opportunities unless i choose to focus on what was not, has not come along or may not come my way.

that self-sabotaging thought practice is no longer working for me -- and in retrospect, never did.

i'm always up for trying something new and instead of focusing on what hasn't happened in my life, i'm focusing on what IS happening in my life, right now and knowing there is so much more to come.

changing our perception can create so many miracles in our lives.

what do you have to lose? i think we all can afford to create space for more beautiful things in our lives. abundance is what you and i both deserve out of this life, so why not give it to ourselves!?

xo, me.

everyday reminders

"When you procrastinate, self-sabotage and talk yourself out of things, you are making a choice to slow down your spiritual journey (and your success).  So if you are like me, when you find yourself wishing things would happen faster,  you have to look at yourself and be accountable for the ways you slow things down.  Make sense?" -GG Renee (All The Many Layers)

yes, this makes perfect sense. 

it has taken me quite a while to admit that i am and have been the cause of why things haven't happened in my life - both professionally and personally. too often, i blame it on someone else or something else. but that blaming causes more destruction and self sabotage, than accountability ever will. 

accountability allows me to accept where i lost focus, re-focus and attempt to reconnect with myself again. 

redirection.

i never made the connection between my professional success and my spirituality until recently. and by recently, i mean within the last three years. the more the i become connected with my Self and inner-being, by having a daily spiritual practice and now, yoga.  i understand that nothing is really separated. it's all one, just like we are all one. 

one in mind. many in body. 

lately, i have been surrounded by the need for success to happen, well, like yesterday. friends are rushing to save for retirement, be in relationships that may or may not be healthy just because we are in our 30s, staying at jobs we are unhappy with, & not pursuing our passions because there may not be enough money in it -- exhausting. 

the pressure to be successful is incredibly high and GG's words couldn't have come at a better time, for me. and i thought i'd share. 

success = connection to Self (your Spirit, intuition)

i share in the anxiety with my friends who find themselves stuck or fragmented by doing what's seemingly "right" vs. what feeds me or nurtures my soul. 

we all have choices.

what GG is saying is that it's okay to slow down and reorganize our priorities. when we choose to exhaust ourselves and the people around us with our need to control, over plan and become perfectionist in our professional and personal lives, we miss out on the beauty of our lives unfolding and our success will pass us by. 

when you reconnect with yourself - exercising, meditating, yoga, travel, stillness, etc. 

that pausing reignites our spiritual relationship with ourselves and the spirit that's on fire within us. 

that fire, is our passion and it's quite beautiful when we let it do its own thing

and, letting that fire do its own thing is a spiritual process we develop by...

(1) practicing the art of letting go and 

(2) accepting that everything will ALWAYS work out - there is no right or wrong -- only what is. 

(3) trust in our intuition and 

(4) to TRUST that we'll know what direction to take AND when we don't know which way to go --

(5)  the Universe always provides someone or something to reveal the answer. 

this is exactly where i am. my professional resume is the shit! on paper, you'd think i'd be boosting with confidence because of where i've been and who i've worked with. but the truth is that, sometimes i don't always feel so confident and i don't always feel like what i've done is the shit. and sometimes i want things to happen faster and i want more and more and more. 

so, i have to remind myself of these steps everyday. 

i let go of claiming accolades, as if that matters

i let go of trying to be someone i'm not

i accept that where i am, in this moment is pretty all over the place

but, i know that the Universe has a great plan -- and i will continue to show up and do what i'm skilled to do each and every time

i let go of the need to control outcomes or seek validation

i release attention to things i do not want my power to go towards

and, really, i simply allow myself to enjoy the pleasures of all that i do, as i'm doing them, without fear!

i am only where i am because of the way life has continued to unfold on my behalf and i believe that there is soooo much more coming my way. 

that alone, makes me excited and i'm grateful. 

life is an everyday process of opening our heart to the things we can't control and placing our power on all the miracles that have brought us exactly where we are today. 

that alone, makes us beautiful beings, with so much more to look forward to! 

xo, me. 

c o u r a g e pt. 2

“…i keep looking for one more teacher,

 only to find that fish learn from the 

water and birds learn from the sky.”

  -mark nepo

c o u r a g e -- as it surrounds me, you, us

courage
i am still building that within myself
learning to not be shy about the things i want, while realizing that i do, have everything that i need
but, lately, i have been so encouraged by the people in my life who live and create from such a centered and pure space

purity is relative, i know

pain is sometimes the source of their courage -- from what i know to be true
and i come from an upbringing that resided in covering up the pain and silencing the hurt
so, i get it
i know why i instinctively want to fix what causes confusion and pain
and i know why i sometimes choose not to deal or see it as a place of refuge, strength or peace

-- but i have received so much power watching my friends create and grow beyond their pain and beyond the limits they place on themselves -- no matter how long it takes and how much it hurts

its beautiful and i commend you :)

this courage i've witnessed has been from past and present friends
who never knew i watched and observed the resilience and perseverance
i value the lessons
 and as it continues to surround me, i can't help but see my own reflection

as it stands, i'm in the midst of facing a lot of fears and opportunities at the same time
logically, i know that the outcome has already been determined, and that brings slight pleasure and ease
but emotionally, it's, well, fear
and i know that faith and fear don't work together

so, it's up to me and my choice to endure and confront -- be courageous, or not
left or right?
ego or heart?
intuition or control?

i'm leaning in, as mark nepo always writes in his books
i want to choose faith -- my struggles are unique to me, but i'm not alone
i too have the courage that i admire
we are, of course, of one mind -- many in body

i'm leaning in.

xo, me.

Nights like this....

I miss Philadelphia. 

Because, home is home...be it in my heart or amongst the familiar faces and places that shaped me. :) 

Expose Yourself

"...because it is exposing yourself in your utter nudity: your wounds, your ugliness, your insanity - things which everybody wants to hide from the world. It goes against your ego, against your personality." 

@wisdom_is_love 

meditative thought for the week

Meditation is an especially powerful practice for growing in self-love. No matter how the monkey mind jumps around, we still remain the observing consciousness. Consciousness operates under the law of grace, levitating our heart and soul higher and higher to the source of love itself: Pure Spirit.

- Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith

who are you? who am i? i am....

morning!
how are you? :)

yesterday i attended a conference presented by Emerging Arts Leaders/LA (EAL/LA) about "curating your career". it was eventful and inspiring -- i met a lot of individuals who were either artists or organizers within the sector that made conversations quite interesting throughout the day.

this is the first time i've ever attended something like this and LA seems to have a lot of professional conferences as this is the city for extreme career advancement! so, i plan to attend more.

however, the basis of this blog entry was inspired by the idea of who we are -- as individuals and as a collective mind set, all having unique experiences of our own.

there were three workshops that we attended and each dealt with some level of whipping our butts into shape when it comes to managing our artistic careers; productivity, personal branding, management, financial development, etc. YES! all of these things were necessary to listen to.

but.

i only had two take away thoughts and woke up this morning and thought i'd share with you....

1) art doesn't always have to be, well, within the arts.  let me explain. the keynote speaker, Dan Goods works for NASA. Pretty amazing! He is a graphic designer by trade, attended art school and created this amazing bottle project that he perfected and pitched it to different places as an artist. No one really understood the project -- he essentially heard more "no's" than "yes's" when it was time to look for a job.

so, one day he asked his wife to mail off a resume for him -- the post office had no letter size envelopes and she instead, selected a huge envelope and sent it to a NASA Office in Pasadena, JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratory).  The man who received it, noticed this large envelope and the resume inside and pretty much said, we have to bring this guy in -- who would do this!

so, he went in for an interview -- spoke about his bottle project, graphic design skills and intentions and the interviewer said, though he didn't know anything about how to apply the bottle project to the position being offered -- he wanted to give this artist a chance and after 6 months, they would evaluate whether or not the position was for him. that was ten years ago. Goods spoke on the unexpectedness of applying our creative mind to areas of interest we may have never considered. our "moments" as we experience Life -- should be fulfilling, exciting and with the beauty of possibility that we can be impactful in so many various spaces, careers, locations, etc. he has found a career out of merging science and his love of graphic design and installation art. the projects were truly breathtaking and allowed any viewer to witness the fusion between the beauty of art and the intelligence of science.

my take away from this included expanding my mind as i think about projects and my career in general -- i'm not much for taking the reigns anymore and attempting to lead myself, but i believe in the certainty that listening to Goods about the idea of broadening my own thoughts about myself and where i could apply my creative mind is exciting to me! consider the alternative in your creative process -- who else could you speak to, play in front of and where? who could you teach? where could you apply for a job? go to school? all of those things -- the risk in believing that we are here to not just stay in one lane, but to hop around and gain experience is really the point, right? we are to become as whole as we can -- and wholeness requires movement. so let's move, build, create and thrive!

2) who we are, is not what we do -- the last workshop i attended was based on personal branding and recognizing how others see you. this was fascinating to think about, because very rarely do we concern ourselves with what it is like to encounter ourselves. with seeing ourselves across the room, talking to ourselves, confronting ourselves, pleasing ourselves, etc. we don't know. that mirror would be pretty interesting and probably scary at the same time, but mentally -- we had to go there for this workshop. so we wrote down individuals that we admired and the qualities about those people we admired. at the end, she said, now look at yourself -- see who you are, by what you see in others! YES! YES! though i had a feeling that was exactly the point of the exercise, it was really moving to witness how people stared at this sheet, trying to defend how they were NOT any of those things -- and that made me a bit sad.

see, the people in my workshop equated success as being able to possess those qualities, because everyone they admired or who they listed on the sheet was where they wanted to be, and exactly where they didn't see themselves. "i am not a writer because i have not published" "I am not really a musician, because i have not played in front of crowds of people or sold any albums" -- all of these, i'm not because statements were all based on what they were not doing, that others were.

so, i said, why is it that we define ourselves by what we do? why is it that we will devalue our own process and the work we put in everyday, to claim a title or a moniker? if i write in a journal everyday, or a blog and i aspire to be a writer -- hence i am writing, and enjoy it, aren't i a writer? the problem that i witnessed yesterday, is that in order for us to call ourselves something we MUST excel in in it or be paid for it. i have an issue with that. i believe it trumps any process we could remotely have with the experience of simply enjoying something and recognizing that we do it well and the possibility of its growth into perhaps, a career path.

just because you like to sing, doesn't mean you have to be a singer -- or because i like to cook and bake, doesn't mean i should go to cooking school. no, i enjoy those things and will continue to enjoy those things....

the pressure i noticed with my peers is that we all enjoy and are skilled at many different things -- but society and our industry makes us select one -- and to stick with it. the teacher and I both agreed that you don't have to. we aren't blessed with such unique talents and skills that make us all individually great to just dismiss some and only apply others. no, we should be embracing them all --we are creative and innovative and wise and original and just simple unique. why not embrace it all!!?  play music, cook, draw, sing, run, make pottery, write, teach, paint, design, sew, make films -- and enjoy the process of doing them all!

that is Life, that is what is possible -- not staying in one lane and stressing about becoming this one thing when we are so much more!!!

go live, go thrive and experience :)

xo, me.

Ernest Holmes on Life...and our choosing it

good morning!

it's been such a busy week, i didn't realize a whole week had gone by since i last wrote in this blog! I'd like to post at least three times a week -- so that will be my goal this week. baby steps :)

in addition to working physically here and mentally in NYC as I develop/curate this exhibition -- i have been, on a daily basis, setting my intention to working within a limitless belief system. logically, i know that i am capable and all things are possible -- logically. but when you begin to live within that mindset, challenges come and i found myself having to choose whether or not i was going to stay committed to my intention or not. 

yes, there are a lot of challenges in working with an artist across the country :) many. challenges. but, when i started to become really serious about setting this intention, the opportunity to work with them became full circle and i knew that i could not think within the confines of limiting thoughts of doubt, worry or fear. thankfully, we have a budget (and for those that work with artists, know that doesn't come often!), but even having the money to do certain things started to cause limiting thoughts. 

so, i went back to what i know, and that's -- if the universe provided this opportunity (literally, in my lap) then there was purpose, promise and benefit in the work. in addition to, knowing that whatever was the will of the Universe, essentially bringing my spirit and the spirit of this artist together -- something great was brewing. we just needed to step back, ease off the aspect to control and make shit happen our way, and watch the alignment happen -- because it was meant to happen this way. 

to date -- we have a venue that is remarkable -- talent that we will soon have to choose who to add to the bill and marketing partners that will create amazing extensions for this event. the alignment. our trust. us falling back and letting IT do what IT does. amazing!

it wasn't easy. when you have a clear understanding of Universal law -- when some don't. challenges do arise. but thankfully, we (the artist and i) are on one accord and it feels good to work with someone that accepts the truth of Life as it is -- knowing it's all good in the end. 

oh! haven't mentioned Ernest Holmes yet. So, if you aren't familiar -- he is the author of The Science of the Mind. Many study this book, as it is a way of thinking when you approach Life's promise -- the Source of who we are. I enjoy reading works by thinkers who seem to understand the simplicity in Spirituality being a personal thing. This is from a chapter I read this morning:

"because Life is in you, then the Truth is in you, and the Spirit is in you and Power is in you. if you will wait on this Power, this Truth and this Light, they will guide you. one of the greatest things you can do is to learn to wait on the God Power within you...." 

love and light beings! have a beautiful day :)
xo, me. 

meditative thought for the week!

One of the most direct ways to create a loving relationship with oneself is through genuinely accepting ourselves just as we are. This doesn't mean we don’t see the ways in which we have yet to grow; what it does mean is that we can look into our own eyes, into our own reality of being and find there our essence, which is pure love, regardless of our human flaws. We contact this essence directly through our spiritual practices. 

Rev. Beckwith | Agapelive.com 

our self with the Self

THE SOUL DOES NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT SOCIETY VALUES. IT DOESN'T MEASURE SELF-WORTH BY THE SIZE OF OUR BANK ACCOUNT, THE SIZE OF OUR HIPS OR BICEPS, THE SQUARE FOOTAGE OF OUR HOME OR HOW MANY CARS ARE PARKED IN OUR GARAGE. THESE ARE NOT SPIRITUAL MILESTONES, BUT THEY CAN BE MILLSTONES CHOKING OUR SPIRIT. WHEN WE DON’T MATERIALLY POSSESS WHAT WE FEEL WE DESERVE, COMPASSIONATE PATIENCE DISSOLVES ILLUSIONS OF ENTITLEMENT AND SELF-BLAME. WE QUIT PICKING ON OURSELVES, WE QUIT TINKERING WITH SURFACE IMPROVEMENTS AND BEGIN DIGGING DEEP INTO OUR INTERIORITY.  WITH COMPASSIONATE PATIENCE, INSIGHT BECOMES THE INNER AUTHORITY WE LISTEN AND RESPOND TO

Rev. Michael Beckwith

How we choose to measure success, is rooted in how we measure our relationship with God and ourselves. How do we decipher from the voice of our ego or emotional self with the voice of Spirit or our intuition? 

While listening to the sermon this morning from Rev. Michael, it was clear to me that this idea of "letting go" and really choosing to be free from our attempts to control, fix or participate in arguments of limitations is absolute. it is something we really should choose to do. it's more than just letting go of the past or memorizing affirmations to alter our damaging thoughts about ourselves, circumstances or others -- it's about KNOWING we have all that we need and without thinking about much else, focus ourselves on being our most honest and brightest lights through the wisdom, creativity and joy that lies within us. 

we do this with our spiritual practice -- meditation, yoga, prayer, running, cooking, music, art -- whatever lends itself to being still, quiet and grateful. we use our practice to enhance our connection with ourselves, each other and the world. the extensions come with the gathering of like minds -- whom the universe supplies when we are ready!

i'm learning that there are worldly and spiritual meanings to everything, especially success. with intention, today i choose to lessen the grip my ego has when it comes to opportunities, where i usually place weight on my degrees and levels of education -- i know that what the universe opens up, is meant for me. everyday i strive to be a global citizen, working towards changing the conversations and agreements on a global scale. because i believe that love is really all that matters. 

last week-- my work and talents have become bi-coastal in a very unexpected way! my heart is open and i am so excited for what's to come. nyc i'll see you in may :))

xo, me.

to live in the grey!

thinker. thinking. thought

good morning!

i felt the need to share this from my reading this morning -- before heading out for work...

thought it energy.

it is the direct reflection of our actions, speech and emotions -- which then translate themselves into our experiences. 

in other words, that which we think reality to be, is our experience!

have you considered this before? have you thought back on a situation or circumstance and said to yourself -- wow, i gave ALL of that WAY too much power! I know i have. I read recently a quote from Buddah that said, "wherever you are, there you are." 

the present.

this is exactly where we should be placing our power. within the realms of gratefulness for where we are, exactly as we are. this level of thinking gives the Universe permission to handle the rest for us. Our thinking is our power and i know that when i choose to focus on my present be-ing...what's been good, what is good, my openness. i don't have mental capacity for anything else. 

I trust that the Universe will bring me closer to what I need and take away what and whom i don't.

thought is energy.

with intention, we can refocus our thinking, hence refocusing our energy into what's in front of us. letting go of our past and releasing our future.

xo, me. 

our arguments of limitations

morning!
i hope this monday meets you in peace and love :))

how often do you hear yourself arguing or complaining about what isn't working out in your life?

i would hear myself complaining at least a few times a day. something or someone was standing in my way and it just wasn't fair. 

yesterday, i decided to live stream an Agape service and it was exactly what I needed to hear! 

Rev. Beckwith talked about the idea of arguing our limitations -- or making cases as to why we aren't living or acting within our truth. why we aren't pushing beyond the limits we've placed on ourselves and WHY, oh why, we aren't becoming exactly who we are meant to become. 

i decided to meditate on this idea. and lately, it has become so intense, that my dreams have suggested the merging of my subconscious with my conscious. in other words, challenging myself to stop telling myself "no", "i can't", "no money", "no time", etc. etc. and really rely on the knowing that everything i have coming my way, is Universal. It's purposeful. It's one of my many functions of bringing global change, altering the agreements and changing the conversations. 

i woke up today, feeling ready. this readiness has already started to open doors, has brought new people into my life and develop ideas that have me a bit intimated, but i like that. feels different. feels real. 

so this idea of arguing my limitations makes incredible sense now. i HAVE heard myself defend my actions, words, and thoughts that have fueled my powerlessness, doubt, fear and inadequacy. i want something different for myself and i'm sharing this because i know there are others out there that have been arguing their limitations as well :)) let's intend to stop and push beyond the limits we've placed on ourselves. there is really nothing against us -- no one, and no thing. 

xo, me. 

meditative thought...

In our fast-paced society, 

if we aren't scrambling to attain 

or

possess something, 

we label ourselves as lazy. 

However,

when we live 

in a consciousness of trust, 

knowing 

that an invisible hand is always taking us 

in the right direction, 

we are serene, 

creatively active yet patient.

yes! zadie smith interviews chimamanda ngozi adichie!

if you have an hour that you can dedicate to watching this important conversation between  Zadie Smith and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie about AMERICANAH at the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture, New York Public Library...WATCH!! click the photo and enjoy :))

xo, me. 

You. Are. Beautiful.

it's been a while!
hi :)

i've been blessed with two creative jobs that have been keeping me busy busy! And though i am grateful, i have missed writing in this blog.

So, today, while doing some online research, i came across a website called 'you are beautiful' and i thought the idea was pretty fantastic! This artist, decided to print 200 'you are beautiful' stickers and share them with friends, family, and place them randomly throughout his city of Chicago. The response was overwhelming and so he decided to start selling the stickers which then lead to a movement where murals were painted and his stickers have literally been all over the world!

Then I started to think...wow! his efforts were so simple and with the simplicity of a three word phrase, he is changing the world. I am really captured by the power of YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and how this reminder, has really made people stop, think and smile about the truth in that statement.

This small, but significant act has really reaffirmed that all of our efforts, no matter how small are important, beneficial, magnificent and we should continue pursuing the things that interest us! We never know the arms and legs that will grow from our work and who it will affect. so keep going!!

xo, me

forever you, my friend

woke up to some sad new today. an old friend passed away, whom i valued and was definitely anxious to see them again. it had been a month since we last spoke to each other, and i remember feeling like things were not okay in their world. as their responses were becoming "okay and good" and typically shorter than i was accustomed to. 

unsure how they transitioned, i am grateful today for the time spent with them. the many conversations, the smiles, the laughter, the late night "what do i do" or "let me teach you how" -- it was worth it. their life was worth the many moments i shared with therm and the countless moments others will be able to claim. 

they will be missed and forever treasured. 

the sun is shining bright today and the sky, as you can see is sooooo blue :)) a new angel!
love and light to all!

xo, me. 

while living in LA!

I have become accustomed to..
the hotness of the sun against my window at 7am
waking up to the sounds of birds, claiming their space within the Universe
yoga + spin classes, all at the same time
my favorite color green, everywhere i look!
fitness as a lifestyle choice
fresh juice shops, literally in every neighborhood
varieties of canyons to hike, as often as i like!
outdoor cafes
days feeling like forever
did i mention lots and lots of sunlight!
and me, happier than i have been in a while....

i can live with that! :))

xo, me.

love.

I find the best way to love someone 

is not to change them, 

but instead, 

help them reveal 

the greatest version 

of themselves...

our gardens...

it's in the 80s today! perfect day to grow some thangs!!!

so, after taking the pups on a morning walk, i decided to start an herb garden. the thought wasn't as fleeting as i'm making it seem, i've done some research on which herbs i'd like to start with and the proper care for each. :) this morning was all about buying the starter plants, soil and pots. 

i decided to start with rosemary, lavender and sweet basil. while at the store, i started to get really excited about this project because there are so many plants i want to include in my herb garden, but i'm excited about these three as i know the process of watching them grow and smelling them, will be amazing! 

this is a love project, and all mine. and i needed that. 

i like to think of myself as a plant, rather a flower that needs proper nourishment to grow and shine. though i don't limit my happiness based on circumstance, i have found pleasure in myself and i know that happiness is a choice. so, today, i am choosing to spread a lil love towards something that i can watch blossom and eventually use in my cooking, sharing with others and more!. 

i think i'm most excited about this journey and how i can share it....

i needed something that i could fully invest myself into. many times, we do just that with our lovers, families and friends. but, i like the idea of giving my love to a plant -- whom like me, needs sunlight, water and nourishment to grow. perhaps this will be an attempt to give myself that same tender love and care, too ;))

and i say that because i haven't been too good to myself in thought and action. i'd like to change that. so, like everything, it will be a process, but this herb garden will be my starting point! 

i picked up an old journal yesterday and found some words i had written, to be really inspiring. perhaps they will be the same for you :))

happy saturday!

"...today will be the most perfect day for my light to shine. my peace is so fulfilling, my love so abundant and i observe transformation. i exist today, perfectly. i am alive!." 

xo, me. 

between logic and action

by GG Renee of AllTheManyLayers 

and author of The Beautiful Disruption and Wallflower

Take a step back for a moment. There is no need to prove anything. The brave face you put forward everyday says enough. 

I hope that when you finish reading this, you feel lighter. You just might be gentler with yourself. Everyone has bad habits. Everyone has blind spots. You will never figure it all out, but you will learn things. There's peace in that.

Read On!>>>
This is a place where cracks and imperfections and testimonies are beloved. Here, to know better does not always mean to do better, and that's okay. I believe and I still doubt. Through it all, I pray, I write and I hold on to myself. I am challenged everyday and I still choose to believe. Here, we tell stories; we don't judge.

I always want to do better. But I also want to allow myself to journey in peace, without constant criticism and judgment. I want to be a soothing refuge for myself. I try to avoid tripping over the same bump in the road more than once, but it happens. I trip. I fall hard often and get bruised. I'm not ashamed of my bruises anymore. I have lived. I am living. There's no need to hide that. I have scars, each one kissed with acceptance. If I didn't have these scars I wouldn't know how beautiful they could make me feel.

I wonder if you are ever afraid to get away. To just get up and walk out. Remove yourself from the madness. Walk out of the insecurity and the urge to compare yourself. Run and don't look back. Stop measuring yourself. Stop keeping track. Do you ever? Have you ever?

I have. But eventually, I look back. I look around and I lose my footing and I trip. I see myself doing things and I wonder when I'll stop. My assumptions threaten me with lack. I know they aren't real but I entertain them and I let them delay me. My mind can be a deceptive place.

My regrets are older than me. I grieve over things I've never seen. I can't remember, but I feel responsible. I feel necessary, then I feel useless. All the world is happening and if I don't shut it out, I can't hear myself. I can't contribute. I sit there with my cracks and imperfections and testimonies and I just breathe. Sometimes that's all I can do.

I'm not going to chase better. I won't hold on so tight that my hands lose their warmth and softness. My definition of success keeps getting simpler -- love, food, shelter, dreams. Everything else is luxury. 

It has become clear to me that forgiveness makes life peaceful. And gratitude, that is what truly makes the quality of life better. Here, we appreciate the puzzles and the dead ends as much as the rainbows and the pots of gold.

have faith?

what do they say? "faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen?"

loosen up those mental chains, let go of the need to control and just be...

there are so many wonderful things happening in the lives of my family and friends -- we are so blessed. i encourage you to be still, listen and observe. the answers are already here! the opportunities are waiting for you!! get out of your OWN way!!

life can be that simple. 

xo, me. 

who are we?!

checking our ego is a necessity -- everyday, all day! taken from yogajournal.com 

Meditating on the question "Who Am I?" for as little as 5 minutes can help you look beyond your ego's definition of you and discover what lies beneath.

1. Settle into your body.
Come into a comfortable seated posture, with your eyes closed, and your hands folded in your lap. Lengthen your back, and let your chin move back so you feel as if your head is being suspended by a cord from the ceiling. Scan your body, noticing and softening any tightness in the shoulders, face, thighs, belly, arms, and hands. Take 5 deep inhalations and exhalations.

2. Focus on your breath.
Become aware of the rise and fall of the breath. Let your breathing be natural and relaxed as it brings you into the present moment. Feel the coolness of the breath as it flows in the nostrils and the warmth as it flows out. Notice where you feel the breath in your body. Do you feel it in the chest and shoulders? In the diaphragm or belly?

3. Quiet the mind.
Sensing the flow of the breath, inhale with the thought "I am." Feel the energy of the words mingling with your breath, flowing into your inner body. Then, with the exhalation, feel the space that these words leave in your consciousness. Continue to repeat the pure mantra "I am" without attaching any other thoughts to it. Stay here for several minutes if you can, allowing yourself to become more and more relaxed.

4. Practice inquiry.
As your mind quiets, begin to drop in the question, "Who am I, without words? Without thoughts? Without memories or emotions?" Pay attention to the awareness that opens up. If words or emotions arise, allow them to be there. Identify them—"thoughts," "sadness," or "confusion"—and return to the question. You're not looking for an answer. Look past the answers that arise to experience the bare awareness that is your sense of being, of pure existence.

5. Rest in awareness.
This sense of pure existence is there, and as you practice this meditation, it will eventually reveal itself. Continue your inquiry, and see if you can gently rest for a second or two in the wordless awareness that immediately follows the question. The opening into awareness may last only for a few seconds. If you get hung up on your thoughts, start over: Return to the breath, and the mantra "I am." Then, ask the question again, and notice what arises. Stay with the practice for as few as 5 or as many as 30 minutes. Then open your eyes, and return to your day.

OPT-in?!

....taken from Agape newsletter!

Observation is the first of three simple steps! Physics has proven that you are only aware of the reality you choose to observe. In order to observe, you’ve got to wake up, smell the roses, hear the celestial sound of silence, taste the timeless in the precious words you speak, feel the Holy Presence in the core of your being, and see the Best of Everything everywhere. Especially right there where you are this moment. Your observation of an activity actually changes the activity. You already have within you this awesome power to observe and thereby expand your awareness. What you intend-- you immediately create. The Rev says Observe with intention and intend to see and be the Good.

Participation is the second simple step. It is quite the opposite of anticipation, hoping on a wing and a prayer that you might win the lottery or at least the wheel of fortune. Don’t assume that spiritual growth and development can be attained by trying to ride in on the coattails of someone else. Oh no, uh-uh. You must actively participate, wake up and move into divine right activity like there is no pie in the sky in the sweet bye and bye. Activate your inherent capacity to be aware that you are aware.  And then, whole-heartedly respond to what you Observe is Real. This is definitely not about waiting for your ship to come in or some long-lost relative to write you into her will. The Rev says Participate in the Good that is always already happening right where you are.

Transformation rounds out the circuit as the third simple step. It naturally flows from, through, and as your earnest observation and precious participation. Those who seek always find, and those who ask are always answered. The prefix ‘trans’ means to ‘go beyond.’ To transform is to ‘go beyond’ the ‘forms’ you have taken on. Interpret ‘forms’ as ‘conditions,’ ‘circumstances,’ and ‘situations’ and you've got the gist of this list. Go beyond your present point of view with divine insight and revelation. Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by continually renewing your mind. Stop walking lock-step in your past opinions, present limitations and future fears.  Give your gifts and live your bliss. The Rev says Transform your life by going beyond your self-imposed barriers to catch the Vision and live the Life ordained for you from the beginning!

He also said…. you have ‘choiceability.’ Yeah, it’s another word he made up, but it fits doesn't it? You can choose wholeness regardless of the conditions. You can choose to be happy no matter what the circumstances. You can choose to transform your life in spite of the situations. Choose ye this day to opt-into excellence in every area and dimension of your life. Observe, participate and transform. YOU are the only one who can.

xo, me. :))