OPT-in?!

....taken from Agape newsletter!

Observation is the first of three simple steps! Physics has proven that you are only aware of the reality you choose to observe. In order to observe, you’ve got to wake up, smell the roses, hear the celestial sound of silence, taste the timeless in the precious words you speak, feel the Holy Presence in the core of your being, and see the Best of Everything everywhere. Especially right there where you are this moment. Your observation of an activity actually changes the activity. You already have within you this awesome power to observe and thereby expand your awareness. What you intend-- you immediately create. The Rev says Observe with intention and intend to see and be the Good.

Participation is the second simple step. It is quite the opposite of anticipation, hoping on a wing and a prayer that you might win the lottery or at least the wheel of fortune. Don’t assume that spiritual growth and development can be attained by trying to ride in on the coattails of someone else. Oh no, uh-uh. You must actively participate, wake up and move into divine right activity like there is no pie in the sky in the sweet bye and bye. Activate your inherent capacity to be aware that you are aware.  And then, whole-heartedly respond to what you Observe is Real. This is definitely not about waiting for your ship to come in or some long-lost relative to write you into her will. The Rev says Participate in the Good that is always already happening right where you are.

Transformation rounds out the circuit as the third simple step. It naturally flows from, through, and as your earnest observation and precious participation. Those who seek always find, and those who ask are always answered. The prefix ‘trans’ means to ‘go beyond.’ To transform is to ‘go beyond’ the ‘forms’ you have taken on. Interpret ‘forms’ as ‘conditions,’ ‘circumstances,’ and ‘situations’ and you've got the gist of this list. Go beyond your present point of view with divine insight and revelation. Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by continually renewing your mind. Stop walking lock-step in your past opinions, present limitations and future fears.  Give your gifts and live your bliss. The Rev says Transform your life by going beyond your self-imposed barriers to catch the Vision and live the Life ordained for you from the beginning!

He also said…. you have ‘choiceability.’ Yeah, it’s another word he made up, but it fits doesn't it? You can choose wholeness regardless of the conditions. You can choose to be happy no matter what the circumstances. You can choose to transform your life in spite of the situations. Choose ye this day to opt-into excellence in every area and dimension of your life. Observe, participate and transform. YOU are the only one who can.

xo, me. :))

creative living

hi Universal beings!

the cleansing continues with pouring rain this morning. it's quiet, fresh and perfect. i can't even describe the beauty i see because everything seems so much more bright or green i should say. 

i have been reading The Artist's Way off and on for the last couple months. I started off really committed to reading it every day and writing my 3 pages of morning thoughts every morning. Then i just stopped -- i don't know if i needed to switch up the practice and monotony of it, or i got bored with the reading. either way, i picked the book up again and it is proving to be even more valuable. 

today, there was a sentence that struck my inner spirit and it read: "creative living requires the luxury of time, which we carve out for ourselves." 

think about that for a minute. 

when we think about our creativity, in all facets, do we make time for the things that bring us joy or luxury?

do we give ourselves permission to carve out time to be alone doing the things that we enjoy doing, that instantly put smiles on our faces?

i know that writing for me became a passion because i was good at it. everyone told me so. so, i said to myself, okay, this is what you are good at, pursue it. i became a writer--i was published and i was validated by people in the business as having talent. 

then writing became something that started to feel like a chore, i no longer enjoyed it and i was becoming distracted by other interests. now that i think about it, i could say that maybe i became scared of the hard work associated with writing and saw something easier --that could very well be accurate. either way, the process i took to get myself back into my writing was necessary. i acquired skills and other talents that i did not possess then. And, writing in this blog brings me pleasure! i am still working on disciplining myself to writing in this blog daily, but i know that TOO is a process that i must trust.

so, what i am taking a long time to actually say lol is to give yourself time and permission to get back to the things that mattered once. the things that you enjoyed, or put a smile on your face. Even if it's 15 minutes a day to draw a picture, buy some wood, cook a dessert --whatever creativity you share with the rest of us collective souls, DO IT!

let's trust this process together.

xo, me. 

the removal of such...

ciao Universe!

it rained here in sunny southern california :) most people don't think we experience 'weather' lol but we do. i welcome this rain, it's so refreshing and cleansing. the sun is out and the trees and flowers are bright and beautiful, the birds are chirping -- it's such a perfect morning. 

i woke up early today, 6:30 to be exact and the rain made me think about the word removal -- and all that we don't let go of or get rid of. symbolically, the rain cleansing LA this morning made me feel so clear of clutter that i have allowed to build up within in, on me, around me --it's necessary to remove it in order for us to grow and become more open!

i understand why people cleanse their bodies. i used to do it on a quarterly basis and i think i will start doing that again. it puts you in a mindset of being more aware of what we put in our bodies and what we allow around our bodies, minds, spirits. 

i also have been challenging myself to stop doing things that i do not enjoy or bring pleasure to me. i ended a volunteer job i had the other day because it no longer served my spirit -- the energy and atmosphere wasn't serving the purpose it should have been, and i do not regret it. i am still in search of a place to practice my yoga and really become immersed in the culture there, this place was not that place -- and that is okay. it was my first experience here in LA, and in life period -- and i look forward to having many more experience to grow and mature my practice!

i am learning that part of be-coming has EVERYTHING to do with awareness of self. what works, what doesn't -- what hurts, what feels good, etc. etc. every morning i have been meditating on the idea of aligning myself with the Universe -- letting go of things i have chosen to worry about or become doubtful of, such as money, bills, debt. faith and worry do not mix and i am committed to staying faithful and trusting that God already has a plan. the blessing is already here! 

so, i say all of this to continue on a path of removing what no longer works -- my spiritual mentor Mark Nepo would call that sacrifice, as it brings us closer to spirit. i value that and i want to become closer, so the shedding must happen!

let's be magical :))

xo, me. 

create(ing) self.

it's monday!
perfect new start to a beautiful day, filled with anticipation and intention.

i decided that the word initiative i have been meditating on, will mean to start fresh each day by adding on or should i say, taking away the limits i placed on myself the day before. 

it's real folks....shit is real! temptations, challenges, habits that we far to frequently participate in unknowingly until shit has happened and we stand back feeling guilty for not recognizing such. 

but, i am learning that, that's the 'breaking through' or the accepting of what is true about who we are, exactly as we are, where we are. 

and we MUST accept that truth, even if it hurts and brings us to tears. 

change is a process and something to be committed to, even when that process includes stormy weather.

i preface that statement by reminding myself that all i've been writing in this blog, is consistent with the advice i'd give to someone else, a friend perhaps. so, why not be committed to the words I write everyday...lol, right?!

oh to live honestly! it's heart work and at times, hard work. 

xo, me. 

nourish

hello Universe, 

this morning i woke up at 6am. to my surprise with lots of energy, i went for a walk around the track down the street to clear my mind and meditate on thoughts that felt rich and encouraging. my thoughts floated to the idea of nourishment and prior to going on my walk, i read how "thoughts are the cause, and if you aren't happy with the effects of your life, change your thinking."

THIS is what i decided to focus on and i find it to be quite beautiful. 

you see, i'm realizing how much i have been dealing with issues of trust, worry and doubt. more importantly, i'm recognizing how much i have been facing this lack because of what i lack within. have i been questioning my self worth and esteem? yes. i have been. i've been reminded many times of the power that i embody and logically, i believe it. but when it comes to action -- that's when the hard part means WORK! 

ahhh, i'm ready. 

xo,me. 

creating the life

it's been an incredible two days. 
and the Universe is showing me who I am -- one heartfelt blow at a time lol 
it's been tough seeing the mirror and my reflection that i have been associating with right, wrong, bad and good. 

at the same time, i've been hearing how important it is for me to create the life that i want, to have thoughts that encourage me living my own potential. i have been through an intense period of figuring out my passion, putting projects down, picking up new interests and really allowing myself float on the skills and talents that I've been given and have developed. 

i've take steps back and at times, it makes me feel a little crazy. o_0

but, i have been reminded, that if i continue to cling to the thoughts, reactions and conversations that i have been subscribing to, i will continue to create the same life that is no longer working for me. 

i have a love of my life -- but i've been smothering her for the sake of not feeling so good about me. wanting her to see that without me being verbal about. my reactions and actions have suggested that i'm threatened by the fact that her first love is writing -- and though my intentions have never gone that far in my mind, i can see why she feels as though i may be battling with attention and placement in her life. 

if i truly understood her love for writing, i would automatically know that her love for writing is how she functions, breathes and she gets mentally constipated when she doesn't do it. i can sympathize, because i used to feel the exact same way when i was writing full time. you need to release it. 

my actions haven't suggested or been complimentary to my intentions or words. i am willing to do better and become better. i know that the initiative i show will speak volumes before anything i can say.

i intend to show more initiative and not wait to be told or wait to act on what it is i know would be helpful and meaningful to simply take care of. i am learning that i have lived a very privileged life -- and though i've had a great childhood, in a lot of ways, i've been mentally still there -- waiting for directions and validations. i see the woman i am to become.  i see her. i know. she's already here. 

xo, me

i want for you, what you want for you...

good morning Universal beings!

i decided to do a 21 day meditation challenge all about love and i invited my sister and two good friends to do it along with me. the mantra that has been reinforced when considering love is; "i want for you, what you want for you." 

think about that.

i want for you, what YOU want for you.

when i started meditating on that mantra, i began to feel really calm and in a state of acceptance. far too often, we are focused on what it is that we want, that we miss out on what our loved ones want or need, for themselves. 

being in a relationship can create an atmosphere of being blind and deaf to what the essential needs are from our partners. this mantra, which i urge you to try for at least a week, will help you be in a place of acceptance and peace.  Life is all about being happy and joyful! 

when we have been assigned to certain people, it is crucial that we accept our assignment with an understanding that what we want should be respected just as much as the needs of our partners. 

how can you open yourself more to explore the needs of your partner and to listen to those needs, without judgement, excuses or responses?

let's try it!

xo, me. 

dependency of self

Universal beings! This is LA as the sun begins to set. how perfect, right?

Such beauty has to be captured when seen, and preserved for later viewing. This morning I had a conversation with a friend about "self" and whether or not, love, confidence, courage existed so she wouldn't lean on men she dated as a need for validation. 

it's a developmental process and like I shared the other day, i am in that same boat. 

i find that more and more women are stuck, stuck between the idea of independence and dependency. We think we are independent because we can pay our own bills, or own our homes and cars -- but emotionally, we are dependent. And, i find that to be worse....

as emotionally beings, it is our only function to love and be loved. we must open ourselves up in order to feel the greatness and beauty of life. AND, we also must leave ourselves open to do the same for others. We MUST let our light shine, so that others give themselves permission to do the same. 

when we find ourselves in relationships, we often lean on our lover for support, validation and acceptance. if i don't touch any part of you with this blog, at least be touched by the idea to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are and where you are. 

this idea has been a bit difficult to be consistent with and i'd like to do better. but, it's a day by day process. i have faith that i will become stronger and accept myself more and more each day. it helps to be sure to nourish myself each day with reading material, yoga, spinning, or enjoying a movie/tv show that makes me smile. sometimes, it takes little things to get us feeling better about who we are and where we are in life.

i must know and continue to tell myself that i am whole, i am enough and i am okay. i am right where i need to be; otherwise, my heart will lead me exactly to where i need to be. we are of the Universe and the Universe is of us...

such magnificent love we share!!!!

xo, me. 

let me love, me

hello Universal beings!

it's been a few days -- i have been a little low on energy and self love. But i am growing and pushing through the limits i've places on my self, so i have faith that I will blossom from this feeling very soon. 

magic, right?! :)

i signed up for a yoga newsletter recently, and i read an article that shared this with the readers:

"Unless we are whole and able to find happiness within our lives, we cannot possibly have healthy relationships with others. When we are unable to love ourselves, we seek affection and love from our partners." 

how true is this statement?!! this is precisely what i have been battling with lately and this broke it down quite clear for me. my contract has ended with Sundance and i am in search of my next project -- i told myself before it ended that i would not sink back into a place of sadness and inadequacy. because whatever it is that we feel we are lacking, is because of us -- not others. remember that!

the Universe is soooo good to us, because when we quiet the voices in our heads -- and open our hearts to truly listen to what it is that we need to learn from our circumstances, we are given exactly all the truth we need. 

and this article, was the TRUTH i needed! 

i have been smothering my partner and mostly because i have been unhappy, sad, and really trying to push though the fear of when i will start working again. i must trust and worrying and faith don't mix, i know that much!

so, i do not want my relationship to implode, and i do not want to smother my partner to the point where she distances herself from me. so, i have committed myself to doing things that help me continue to give myself all the loving i need in order to be a better partner, friend, lover and supporter. 

there is no us without me being good to me, first. 

intention for today -- give yourself permission to love yourself today. be it yoga, reading, writing, meditating, whatever you need to do to get back to you -- do it!! :))))

meditation: i align myself with the Universe

xo, me. 

loving, at first sight of ourselves

do you dream Universal beings?

i do. quite often. dreams lift us higher, help us to keep moving and believing in the life we want for ourselves. 

the reading this morning talked about "love at first sight" and remembering when we first experienced love -- like real love. 

the moment we felt complete and whole, like we mattered and safe. when i sat and thought about the moment, it wasn't tied to any romantic relationship, but when i was a child -- and the earliest memories of pleasing my parents and feeling that sense of love that made the world seem as though it was mine. 

we should feel that complete everyday, all day. it is possible. 

the meditation for the reading went into breathing out past -sights and future-sights and really basking in that first-sight of love. the feeling, the face, the air, the warmth, whatever, whomever and wherever it was -- Mark Nepo asked us to hold onto that feeling. 

i did that. and it was so energizing because when i let go of trying to get back to that "feeling" i had with so and so or the feeling i want now, with so and so. it made me feel really good to just feel pleasure in that time when i felt whole and completely me -- with me. 

perhaps we spend too much time trying to love someone else completely, that we alienate ourselves in the process of loving ourselves....the way we should.

we ARE everything we could ever need. we ARE whole, right now, right here. 

so, that's the intention for today. feeling whole, owning my beauty, my body, my present, who i am and LOVING every minute of it. It's me, i am who i am for a reason and all that greatness and power that lives within me is real and very much needed by the world. I am bigger than my past, and much bigger than JUST dreaming of my future. I am living now, not asking question, but accepting and learning. 

it CAN really be that simple. 

xo, me. 

the flower in the mud

when in doubt, call on the Universe!

have you ever found yourself depressed or simply sad, unable to get out of that funk?

i know i have. whether or not we care to admit it to ourselves, depression is something that is real and we've all been there. it's okay -- this morning's reading focused on softening those places within ourselves that have hardened and give ourselves permission to release it and let it go. 

which means, i had to go back to those thoughts and those places within myself to say -- okay, this is what it feels like, now God, take it away....

this is precisely when faith comes in! we have to know that when we pray and ask for God's light to shine on our hard places -- they will be become soft and eventually fade away. trust that. 

this morning, when reading about this process, i began to think of myself as a flower -- stuck in the mud, unable to detach from the grips keeping me where i was. i began to be thankful for my mud -- and the holding, because without this trapping, i wouldn't have been led to recognizing it and drawing myself closer to Spirit in order to break free. 

this mud -- represents the trappings of my sadness, and i, the flower -- is what the world needs. the world needs to see my beauty and my light!! and it needs to see yours. this process is a daily, mental challenge. my intentions of being free from worry, doubt and fear have to be real in order to manifest. so, i am committed and staying committed. 

miracles DO happen. 
that's the magic

xo, me.  

the pausing...

Universal beings?!

are you there? :))

this morning i woke up and read an entry from Mark Nepo's The Book on Awakening this morning and it was all about making tea.

yes, tea!

obviously, his readers wouldn't need directions on making tea, but more importantly, it was about the pausing of life -- to recognize all that we "steep" and "brew", allowing ourselves to sip through life and slowly accept what it is that we are to learn from life.

so, of course, my first cup this morning consisted of me really pausing with every sip and thinking about all the things I'm steeping -- while being thankful for it.

currently no new job contract
spending my reserve money to handle financial responsibilities
working on mentally focusing myself on what IS, instead of what isn't

those are only a few, and yet, i'm pretty proud of myself because it's not easy to accept where I am....
and yet, the passage this morning really allowed me to see that even without having extra money, or a job right now -- i am willing to see my life as perfect and thankful that all my needs are met!

i can honestly say that i am worry free today. no doubts that greatness is already here!!!

i will be writing today and that's just allowing the magic to begin ;))

xo, me.

i am + i have

ciao Universal beings!

how are you? good, i hope. 
it's tuesday, but definitely feels like a weekend day for me o_0 not sure why lol but i welcome the more relaxed feeling. 

anyway, i watched a video from Agape's Sunday service yesterday and it really spoke to me. 
Rev. Beckwith spoke of using language that affirms what it is that we know about God and the power it holds in addition to the power inside of us. 

I am and I have.

When i thought about starting sentences with I am and I have, it was so obvious to me. Yes! of course I am going to change the world and I have everything I need...already, to do it. 

I believe that. 

I welcome this challenge today, because:

Divine insight frees me from fear and doubt and worry.

Self-love and acceptance is the starting point in all my relationships.

Gratefully and gracefully I live these words of truth.

these are affirmations for this week and i find them very fitting to opening ourselves up for more and more abundance and greatness that we are ready for!!

i am excited about the greatness coming my way -- you should be too :))

xo, me. 

free

good morning Universal beings!

will you grant yourself permission to be free today?

to release and let go of yesterday and tomorrow...

be here, now. 

try it.

xo, me. 

alignment.

good evening Universal beings!

i hope your day has been beautiful. mine started with a power cycling class and needless to say, i feel excellent. i am so happy to be exercising again! stepping back from my computer and leaving my phone is a MUST at least three times a week lol

i woke up this morning with a really clear mind. last night i had the opportunity to speak with some creative minds who are all doing exceptional things in their lives. i have been blessed with amazing opportunities to speak with people who are DOING things and not just talking about them. so, it's been pretty inspiring to get a taste of their energy and really feel motivated to continue on my own projects. 

with my new found interest in filmmaking, i met a teacher + filmmaker that has agreed to speak to me about the field and i'm hoping i'll be able to shadow him in the near future. the Universe is really aligning me and i'm excited about it.

this is what i mean when i say get ready for the leadership from Spirit. your heart will let you know when you're heading in the right path and i believe that we all have the choice to open our eyes and minds to what's being given to us. it was by no mistake that i met these amazing souls last night -- it was purposeful and i'm ready for it. 

this process is going to stretch me and just like any advice i would give to a friend, i'm going to now give it to myself. and i'm going for it.

so, i'm off to do some writing!

this is the magic ;)

xo, me. 

the trying...faith and the knowing

good morning Universal beings!

another day of being grateful -- for listening -- for seeing -- for living.

it's amazing how logically, we know all of these things. we open ourselves up to it on a daily basis with our prayers and meditation practices. but are we truly living these words? are we truly living without doubt, worry and fear?

are we trusting God -- with a knowing that all our needs will be met?

it's really important to practice the work that we may read about and chant to. we have to live our truth and accept all that we end up seeing, hearing and reading that may be a direct reflection of ourselves. that is the work. acceptance. 

we can't have fear when pulled in a certain direction. we must go and trust that it is for us, perfectly.

when i reflect on my life and how much i thought i needed -- and prided myself -- on controlling the outcome for everything, i become sad when i realize how i stood in the way of the Universe providing me with all that i needed that i took ownership of providing myself. 

i didn't have faith and even though i was speaking such, i wasn't living that truth. 

now, i am willing to accept all the goodness in my life, because i know that the Universe will always provide! 

i believe that and i am open to what the Universe provides. So far, I've had a pretty amazing 2014. It's been incredible and I KNOW that more is to come! 

i am choosing to have faith
i am choosing to be open to all the good that is to come in my life

magic. 
xo, me. 

no fear.

whole(ness)

what does it mean to be whole?

whole is a state of mind, no? or is a matter of fact state of being?

if it's a state of mind, then it's safe to say that your mentality must never fall between worry or fear. because you wouldn't have time for that, as everything would be provided for you -- that you would need -- and you'd never want for anything because you'd know that all your needs would be provided. that includes deliverance and abundance and joy. your mind would stay within a permanent place of gratefulness.

as i continue to discover my creativity, i must remember that i am already whole and all that I may be enamored by from others and their creativity, that's okay, because i have my own and its beautiful in itself.

is it already here? do i already know what it is? am i already doing it? is it writing? and if so, do i need to write more?

these past few days, i've been writing more and more and finding the words pouring out of me. this blog has opened me up in a way that i haven't felt in a long time and i'm being patient with myself about it. I don't know where blogging will take me, if anywhere -- but i'm just being open to the experience that it's teaching me.

i have things to say...

my thoughts are valued, even if by this blog only. i'll take it.

xo, me

Truth...as we are

good morning Universal beings!

it's going to be a beautiful day -- full of love, light, peace and joy. do you believe that?

the way you start your day, sets the pace for the unfolding. i've noticed that the more i indulge myself in what truly matters; loving and being loved. i come across the most beautiful spirits. connection is inevitable and unless you choose to live in a cave, you will always find yourself connected or connecting to someone whether planned or random. 

that experience alone is what i welcome. you just never know who you will meet and what you will learn from them. i read once that we should see ourselves in each other -- sometimes that's something i welcome, however, it can also be uncomfortable. 

truth is, well truth. and sometimes that truth hurts and we don't want to see it, and definitely not in ourselves. 

but, i have intended upon pushing through those barriers when felt. when i discover that i harbor tendencies that i don't like, it's up to me to change it.  it's always up to us to change the things we don't like -- while being patient with ourselves and accepting our truth. 

we are like fertile ground -- producing seeds that will eventually blossom into buds, then flowers and brighten the world. we are here to change the world. we are equipped with the power that surrounds us and that same power lives within us! isn't that refreshing!? there is no reason to hide behind our fears of our truth. the more we accept ourselves and change what can be altered -- we become more and more ready to change the world. 

Rev. Beckwith states that our function to change the world includes changing the agreements and conversations that lend themselves to consistent mediocrity. something we all participate in. i know i am guilty! so in other words, we change our minds, our speech, our movements and we pass it along to other hearts and spirits with the hope that they will too change themselves and pass it along. 

the world, our global energy is so beautiful and it includes all of us. one mind, many bodies! 

it is up to us. 

intention for today -- dare to accept who we are, where we are. and love ourselves, anyway. :))

magical!

xo,me. 

morning muses

do you have a muse?

                                                                           
someone or something that inspires you, encourages you and challenges you to do more -- and by more, i mean more with yourself, your life, your creativity, your loving, living, health -- all of you!

i'd like to think that i have a muse. it would be incredibly cliche to say that "life" is my muse, because there is so much to life -- but in some ways, life is my muse. 

life brings, rather -- the Universe has brought people, places, opportunities and experiences that all could be grouped into my box labeled, muse.

when needed, i pull out a memory that really pushes me through the limits i have placed on myself. recently, an email exchange with a new friend encouraged me to really consider yesterday as a springboard to being all that i didn't allow myself to be yesterday, today. in retrospect, though i am the same person, mentally, every day i become stronger..and her words just confirmed that strength.

i loved the conversation we had because it really made me recognize the gifts that were unfolding and have unfolded in my life. and the day before any of those things happened, there was doubt and fear and worry.

new day, new chance. 

and lots and lots of mew muses. life gives us all that we need, when we need it -- exactly, perfectly. think about it.

every morning gives me the opportunity to restore what i didn't allow myself to create yesterday. thankful for the eyes to see the beauty, ears to hear nature and my limbs and right mind to experience life to the fullest are always my first prayers. i create space within the Universe -- like birds do with their calls -- and ask to be led and fed as my day unfolds. 

today has been an excellent day so far -- worthy of two entries :) 

xo, me. 

abundance!

good morning Universal beings!

how are you feeling? :)

hopefully refreshed and optimistic! i decided to take a 7am power cycling/yoga class and i don't know why i waited so long to do this. it was fantastic and exactly what i needed to jump start my mid-week productivity. 

but what i thought was very fitting -- was that the intention for the month was abundance. it was absolutely what i needed to see and hear. i should have taken a picture of the sign that was front and center before all the cyclists. with each breath, we took in thoughts of where we wanted abundance and exhaled all that we needed to give up in order to receive our blessings. 

sacrifice, as i have learned, is the giving up of what no longer works. 

this is what i chose to focus on while pedaling my way up and down hills -- though physically, i was present, and giving it my all. mentally, i couldn't help but to think and consider all the ways in which i may be standing in my own way. so my intention for the day, is to the step aside. and really allow the Universe to usher in all the abundance that i've been promised. 

the greatness lives within me, my core being, so i have no reason to fear what comes my way, because i'm ready and already equipped.  

many of you may know that i just ended a contract with the Sundance Film Festival -- in which i was their social media coordinator. 2 weeks in beautiful park city, utah, i had an enormous amount of time to reflect, restore and reprogram my thinking and behaviors. 

so i'm ready.  the class this morning was a beautiful reminder of all that i had started to put into progress for myself. abundance is what i want and in order for me to receive, i MUST be open and ready. 

abundance of self
abundance of love
abundance of creativity
abundance of happiness
abundance of peace
abundance of self discovery
abundance of health
abundance of beauty
abundance of opportunity 

to name a few....

how will you open yourself up to more abundance in your life?

dare to be open and you shall receive.

xo, me. 

and so it begins...

with, me.

and in this breath, i am here. alive. healthy. happy. and living in LA.

the last time i wrote in a blog, was back when my music journalism days were my life. music was my life --the order was, music, friends, lovers, me.

ha.

and that "me" being at the end, was pretty accurate during that time in my life. 

and so it begins. 

where I realize or have come to realize, that my priorities in life were all mixed up and the order in which i choose to live my life now, starts with me.

 

(shantell martin)

me.

so, who am i? i have discovered that i am a self-proclaimed "bad girl" -- a play on words of course! i'm not really a bad girl -- i don't even know what that would look like, since bad is good and good can be bad. *shrug* 

i just know that everything i yearn for or want to do or am impressed by are things that could very well be the opposite of how i was raised in thinking a "good" girl should do, think, act, talk etc. 

fuck that.

everything at this point in my life has meaning and purpose and i love that. i love what isn't typical or perfect or neat. in fact, i am in love with what seems to be messy or thoughtless or even random. i've come to know that those moments do share a commonality -- and that's that they are real, tangible, felt, beneficial. 

too many times i run into people, whom i love, that are obsessed with controlling outcome, or planning or creating purpose by drafting lists and circling dates in their calendar. i don't doubt that it brings comfort -- it has to me too. but, i've learned that we can't control universal law and the best way to ease that pressure - is to simply live life and live it gratefully and abundantly. 

some may read this as fluff. but it's true. let go, and see what happens. 

it's magic.

xo, me.